Think Progress

Contest: Name Hannity’s Puppy

By Think Progress on Feb 16th, 2005 at 12:08 pm

Contest: Name Hannity’s Puppy

Keeping with today’s canine theme: Right-wing yakker Sean Hannity is taking suggestions on his blog on what he should name his new puppy. ThinkProgress, as always, is here to help.

We’re partial to naming the new pup “Alan Colmes,” although “Guckert the Prostie Puppie,” and “Falafel” also are quite popular.

We’re sure our readers are full of witty, snarky, funny ideas for christening Puppy Hannity. Leave your suggestion in our comments section. The best answer receives a copy of Hannity’s book “Deliver Us From Evil” signed by the members of the Think Progress team.



545 Responses to “Contest: Name Hannity’s Puppy”

  1. JFisher says:

    What about “Foxhound”? Nah, that’s pretty stupid. Hey, “Fox’s Bitch”–named after his master.


  2. Jordan Barab says:

    Freeper

    Insanity

    Shrub

    Anne Coulterrier

    Karl Rover

    Elaine Chowhound


  3. Steve Clemons says:

    I just suggested to Hannity that he name his pup, Michael Moore.

    Thanks for sending this Judd


  4. querido bobo says:

    Easy – Abu Ghraib!


  5. B Holder says:

  6. JFisher says:

  7. truth says:

  8. JFisher says:

    Wingnut

    Nukey

    Gipper


  9. Vaughn Hopkins says:

    Son of a Bitch

    Little Dubya


  10. Mike Connell says:

  11. Sherlock says:

    Santorum – especially after reading the previous story!


  12. Andrew says:

    How about Rush, Condie, Rummy, DICK, Wolfie. Wow, too many to list.


  13. Desert Rat says:

    Smarter than Sean


  14. truth says:

  15. skybluewater says:

  16. Wilson Kolb says:

    How about “Guckert?” But it should also answer to “Gannon.” And it should have a camouflage vest.


  17. Brew says:

    Call it “Integrity” that way, someone over there’ll have some . . .


  18. MaxTheMillion says:

    How about Rainbow or Christ Almighty?


  19. Spritey says:

    The name for Hannity’s dog should be:

    Facist Fido


  20. Andre Araujo says:

  21. Andre says:

  22. Leo Caesius says:

    I’m suggesting Great Caesar’s Ghost, after this line in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar:

    And Caesar’s spirit, ranging for revenge,
    With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
    Shall in these confines with a monarch’s voice
    Cry ‘Havoc,’ and let slip the dogs of war;
    That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
    With carrion men, groaning for burial.



  23. Chris Woods says:

    Well, when it is bad, he’ll call it “The Liberal Media.”


  24. Andre says:

    pre-emptive action


  25. Andre says:

  26. Kimberly Garrison says:

  27. Jeremy Cluchey says:

    If it’s a girl, Miss Information



  28. Ron Kross says:

    Name it ‘Truth’ and beat it to death on his show…wait, he already does that every day…


  29. John in Balto says:

  30. Brian says:

    Did the RNC have the same kind of contest to give a pseudonym to JD Guckert?


  31. Lee says:

    These quickly came to mind: Senseless Drivel, Partisan Hack, Liberties with the Truth


  32. Ferris says:

    Beat Me Like Your Wife And Children


  33. querido bobo says:

    Freedom’s Bitch!


  34. Joseph Hughes says:

    Whistle-Ass

    Turd Blossom

    Condoleeza or Condi

    Karen Hughes

    Colin

    Little Adolph

    Ward Churchill


  35. Marley says:

    Wanker
    Hack

    The Poor Dog.



  36. Rob says:

  37. Soopa says:

  38. Tetman Callis says:

  39. tom says:

    Whatever the name, that dog is going to be hawking a book just like everyone else on Fox.

    How to bark at a liberal

    Who’s sniffing your crotch?

    Unholy Alliance: Liberals and Cats

    How Lucky Changed My Life (published by the Hoover Institution)

    In Defense of Kennels (co-author Michelle Malkin)


  40. Silence Dogood says:

    Santorum’s Special Friend…. recall the senator’s worries about where gay marriage would lead….


  41. mace says:

    HEEL
    ROLL OVER
    DOWN BOY


  42. tom says:

    hotmilitarypooches.com

    With a pseudonym and male prostitution ring, I believe this dog could get a White House press pass!


  43. Lisa says:

    I’m With Stupid.

    (Actually, I like Steven Wright’s joke about how he named his puppy Stay, which confused the hell outta the dog when he called him: “Come here, Stay! Come, Stay!”)


  44. Bei says:

    I was going to make a suggestion until I realized that if I won I’d get a copy of Hannity’s book.


  45. pierre sourire says:

  46. Kris says:

  47. Marky says:

    “Rosebud”

    I win :)


  48. Peter of Lone Tree says:

    Horace Szasz
    Phil Theefogger
    Ben Dover


  49. J. says:

    Santorum’s fantasy


  50. Nick says:

    Obviously, if you had to be Hannity’s og, I think the proper name would be UNlucky. Poor thing.


  51. SkippyFlipjack says:

  52. SkippyFlipjack says:

    SeanHannityM4D.com


  53. Mike says:

    Can’t name it WMD. No one would ever be able to find it!!


  54. renato says:

    I’m sure it’s been suggested already, but I like Santorum.

    Poor Hannity won’t get it.


  55. Mike Connell says:

  56. Daphne says:

    “Bulldog”

    (maybe a little M4M racy for a pound puppy)


  57. Mike Connell says:

  58. alan colmes says:

    michellemalkinhumper



  59. michael says:

    “Mandate”

    because after the election we heard from Sean every night how much of a mandate Bush got


  60. Badtux says:

    Hmm, Michael, “Man Date” is pretty much like “Gannon”, isn’t it? Makes you wonder what Sean knows about Bush’s sexual life…

    - Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  61. Jamie says:

    Fearmonger

    Leg Humpers for Truth

    Or something simple like, Lies


  62. Don Adams says:

    I think the puppy should be named after his master! How about naming it “Little Liar”? “cause everyone knows hannity is “Big Liar”!!!


  63. Chris from a blue state says:

    1. neocon
    2. dubyad40
    3. fauxnews
    4. fauxhound
    5. myownerisanuptiteasshole
    6. idomyowner


  64. tom says:

    Call the puppy a crisis, assert that if we don’t act now a crisis will exist when the puppy is a full-grown dog, and enact radical reforms that lead to having the dog destroyed.

    And to those who say there is no crisis, I say, “Bad dog! Bad!”


  65. newsom101 says:

  66. tony says:

    “Adolph”

    “Benito”

    (that poor dog. this borders on abuse.)


  67. Polonius says:

    Satan’s Little Helper.


  68. Andy says:

    Demadog (demagogue)

    Slant Head

    RUDEy

    “I didn’t ASK you that!!!”


  69. Michael says:

    I would have to go with “Inhume”, making the dog “Sean’s Inhume Hannity”.


  70. Jamie says:

  71. Jamie says:

    Ditto
    since hannity is so in love with rush

    Polly
    since hannity likes to parrot the white house


  72. Lisa says:

    Fallujah Inshannity


  73. Teri says:

    RattyAssLittleDog


  74. laughing_dog says:

    In the spirit of the dogs taking on the personae of their masters, Hannity should call him Lap. Yes: Lap Dog.


  75. Nat says:

    Hummus Hound

    Falafel Fido


  76. Scott says:

    No, He better not name it WMD. He’d never be able to find the puppy after that.


  77. jack says:

    “herpes.”

    he never heeled.


  78. betty says:

    -PuppyGanda
    -Jingo
    -Brown Noser
    -Slander
    -Snoopy
    -Goebbels


  79. noodles says:

    He should name him after the conservative’s savior, the guy who paid for and guided the extremist right’s rise to power in the good old U.S. of A.

    The guy, without whom, Hannity is nothing, Bush isn’t president….

    Yes, name the puppy, “Rev. Moon.”

    Here’s an outline of what happened to our nation.

    http://cellwhitman.blogspot.com/


  80. Blue Demon says:

    Since so many dogs are named “Lucky” the poor pooch who has to put up with that nut could only be named “Unlucky”


  81. cleopatra j says:

    i like “goebbles”


  82. Mr. Jellyhed says:

  83. cleopatra j says:

  84. Mark Farris says:

    “Ambiguity” – That way he’ll fear and hate his own dog, but won’t understand why

    Unless the dog has a black and white coat. Then no amount of name calling will diminish his love – although he still won’t know why.


  85. Sharon says:

    Taking a page from a recent episode of South Park…
    Why bother to name it? You’ll just have to bury it next week when it commits suicide… ;-)


  86. Hochizen says:

    The dog should be named Blondi.

    Blondi was the name of Hilter’s favorite dog.


  87. Dan says:

    Loofah Bob, Straight Pants



  88. Bobba Ganoosh says:

    Did Hitler have a dog? How about Mr. Hat?


  89. icewaterchrist says:

    how about “softball” “toady” “leni (riefenstahl) or “pinocchio”


  90. John says:

    1. Mini Prick
    2. Phyllis Schafely
    3. NotJenna
    4. “Bulldog”
    5. “Shut Up!”


  91. Rob says:

    This one’s easy: “Jenna!” As in, “Jenna, off my leg!” or “Jenna peed on the rug again!”


  92. Vern Morrison says:

    He should name it “Shithead,” after its owner, and with a nod to the Steve Martin film “The Jerk.”


  93. del999 says:

    If there were two, “Fair” and “Balanced”



  94. shawn conrad says:

  95. Jason Gooljar says:

    If this one has not been said already i’ll suggest naming his dog “my pet goat”.


  96. Laura says:

    Murdog….kind of stupid, but I like it


  97. Sean's Mom says:

  98. Batman says:


  99. Flipper says:

    I’m with Stupid


  100. Gloria says:

    How’s about Bushy!


  101. rusty s says:

    Ch Fascist Hillary in 08


  102. ChristianLibrul says:

    The obvious name is Spawn. But I could live with Yawn.


  103. dk says:

    Spanky
    Boner
    Love Nuts
    Lord Leg Love
    But, I really like “Goebbels” too.


  104. dUVENOY says:

    Guantonamo

    Mendicant

    felatio


  105. FOXI says:

    SORRY! I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FOX NOR HANNITY


  106. GB says:

    How about ‘Daddy’s Little Butter Nuts’?


  107. I Hate You says:

    Chimpy – after your president
    Wingnut – after your television viewers
    Dickwad – after yourself


  108. jeff thomas says:

    how about SWIFTY after the swift boat vet
    or just plain ( W ) priceless don’t you think


  109. grizzle says:

    “clue”. except itll get lost right away and never be found. if i win you can just burn the book, i dont want it.


  110. Ken B. says:

    Fi-dope
    Man-on-Dog Santorum
    BarKKK
    Reporter-cum-Prostitute
    Sean’s Dingleberry Collector
    Brainless Twat, Jr.
    Frisky Fister


  111. dave says:

    Sit. “Come, Sit! Fetch, Sit! Sit, go, Sit, move, run, Sit!” give that red dog a complex…


  112. Nick Briel says:

    Condi, in honor of Bush’s favorite puppie. If this is the winning entry, donate book to The Male Hooker Library in Bush’s bedroom.


  113. Fred C. Dobbs says:

    ..how’sabout naming the dog:

    “Sean’s Captive Love Receptacle”?
    ..or..
    “Sean’s Kickball”?


  114. Nick Briel says:

    Rush Limp-Paw
    To honor Dubya’s official attack dog,
    but wait, there is no honor there.


  115. Jay Inge says:

    How about “hypocrisy”? Maybe if he says it enough, he’ll get the idea.


  116. John Browning says:

  117. Dave S. says:

    Goebbels
    Puppet
    Little Lying Lulu
    Talking Pointer
    Evil GOP Bitch


  118. M Augustson says:

    -Eichman
    -Smirky
    -Smuggy
    -”my owner is a stupid-ass”


  119. Nick Briel says:

    Rick Sanatorium,
    A nut wing haven for Bush diseased minds.


  120. Kevin says:

    Blowhard McReaganhumper

    Where’s the peanut butter boy?

    Assclown


  121. Tucker says:

    You’ve all overlooked the most obvious and best:

    ROVEr


  122. Riggs says:

  123. Sheryl says:

    How about Jack? When it gets on the sofa or the table, he can yell “Jack–Off!”


  124. John Baker says:

    Name it after that bitch Anne Coulter!


  125. Erik says:

  126. Rob in the PacNW says:

  127. Michael Benes says:

    Personal Savings Account


  128. Joon says:

    1. HannJob
    2. Spin
    3. Spunky


  129. Robert says:

    MyMasterIsABigJackAss sound about right to me


  130. Ed Stombock says:

  131. Ann says:

    I said loofah. It’s plain & simple, and in a few years people will really have to think about it…


  132. fred barnes says:

  133. Truth Teller says:

    How about “Pimpie”


  134. Andrew says:

  135. Bigshemp says:

    The Saddest Puppy In The Whole Wide World


  136. Tommy Boy says:

    “Kick Me” seems appropriate


  137. Laura says:

    When I see Hannity as I’m cruising past FOX on my way to something intelligent, the word “Assmaster” always pops into my head. Perfect for the pup…



  138. Anne F. says:

    I suggested “Lying Ignorant Fascist Asshole” or “Sean Jr.”



  139. charlie says:

    B U K K A K E !!!


  140. DaddyJimSF says:

  141. Diana Hutyk says:

  142. Homer Simpson says:

    Well, he’s obviously going to name it something like Uncle Sammie, after a dead famous American, or, more likely, without any awareness of its fundamental hypocrisy, after somebody who died in the recent Gulf War or in the Towers.

    If he wants to “honor” somone he respects, Santorum is a good idea, but how about Borkie. I’ve always thought Bork was a pretty silly sounding name already; but by exercising a little judicial activism, it could become more puppy appropriate.

    Of the above, i’m partial to Goebbels and Alan (or Colmes or Alan Colmes).

    Finally, how about [Hannity's] Vanity (’Insanity’ and other variants above), Barking Maddie, Major O’Hannity, or simply Mouthpiece (after all, Hannity’s request for suggestions seems, at last, to acknowledge that he always has to be told what to say).


  143. Corporate Lap Dog says:

    I know it doesn’t exactly roll off the tounge but the term has never been more appropriate.


  144. tinfoil milliner says:

    “mandogsexkleptomaniac”


  145. pat Cleary says:

    Alan Combes
    Can you have two lap dogs with the same name?


  146. Don says:

    How about Corporate Lap Dog? I know it doesn’t exactly roll off the tounge but the term has never been more appropriate.


  147. Boadicea says:

    Smarter than Sean
    The Little Bloviator
    Main Chance
    JeffyJim T-bag.
    Hollow-Eyed Journalistic Whore (wait, that’s my name for Seanykins)


  148. otherwhere says:

    here freeper, freeper, freeper….


  149. driftglass says:

    Mr. Fristy
    Hot Aggressive Dominant
    Big Daddy Coulter
    Bad Touch
    Fidon’t
    Harvey (OK, that’s obscure. It was the name of the dog David Berkowitz said told him what to do.)
    Roy Cohn
    Nutbuffer
    Impeaches


  150. Jaimie says:

    L’il Chickenhawk


  151. Pete says:

  152. Mad Kane says:

    Seans’s Mut or Smut, for short
    RightWingWorm
    Dubya’s Lapdog
    Out Damn Spot
    Hound Dem Dog
    CrapMeister
    All Bark No Bite
    Wag The Dog
    Rush Puppy
    Unvetted


  153. SIMON MBONGO says:

    The dog should be named “Castro”


  154. Mr Trail Safety says:

    Lil BushBitch
    Buttplugg
    Peg
    Strombosis
    Dickmeister
    Combover
    Sparky Gonzalez
    Doggy Doolittle [after a particularly annoying CA congressman]
    Code Brown


  155. Mr. Bo Jangles says:

    “I DON’T LEAVE MARKS….ONLY IMPRESSIONS”

    Impressions whould be a great name for his poodle!


  156. roger says:

    the dog should be named “pee brain”



  157. christian says:

    Rosie “the bitch that won’t die” odonell or if it’s a male jerry “the dickless” fallwell


  158. john says:

    DEAD WOMAN IN MY CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE


  159. David in Burbank says:

  160. Edward Stieg says:

    How about WAG THE DOG.


  161. Teri DiCicco says:

    Ditto butt
    Swifty
    Wolfie
    Dicky
    Lil’ Liar, Hannity’s the Big Liar


  162. PfFlyer says:

    Bleeding Heart Conservative


  163. Desse Sales says:

    How about rethuglican bullcrap ; suckup , the neocon pup.


  164. Rusty says:

    You already have a dog…. her name is Ann Coulter


  165. Jeff W says:

  166. Rusty says:

    PS
    Couter, as in bitch


  167. JCW says:

    St. Bernard Sevan


  168. Rusty says:

    PS
    As in empty-headed evil bitch


  169. JW says:

    Barbara Boxer

    Alan Greenspaniel

    Warhead

    Unibomber


  170. myself says:

    Any name that insults Sean’s masculinity would do:

    sweetums
    pinky
    foo foo
    lovey dove
    cuddles
    snuggle muffin


  171. JimBob WilliamsJones says:

    Tokyo Rose

    ….but I really like Blowhard McReaganhumper


  172. Mike in Wisconsin says:

    I am Charlotte Simmons
    Ann Coulter’s Adams Apple
    Valerie Plame
    WMD-Where’s my dog?
    Red State Rocket (see South Park)


  173. spudmuffin says:

    Call the pup Ann Coulter.

    What I want to know is, did he get the pup from a shelter? Or did the bastard buy him from a breeder/mill/store?

    Leave it to a jerk like Hannity to support the pet trade when there are millions of unwanted animals being “put down” every year for lack of homes. Yet morons like Hannity will in effect pay others to breed yet more animals.

    For every animal you buy, another dies. Adopt from your local shelter.



  174. Hephaestion says:

    Vanity Hannity

    or Jeff Gannon


  175. Jon says:

    If the puppy is a female, I’d suggest that Ann Coulter, Monica Crowley, Laura Ingraham, Mary Matalin or Linda Chavez all could be appropriate names for a bitch.


  176. Darrell Loveless says:

    Name the dog “Libby” short for liberal


  177. ump902a says:

  178. Travis Jefferson says:

    How about Coulter? She’s a dog. Or Malkin? She’s a real woofer.


  179. Ben Regenspan says:

    Just call him Spot. The dog’s going to have a hard enough life as it is living with that guy.


  180. sarah_bellum says:

    How about Santorum?


  181. Wilmer says:

  182. Max Ernst says:

  183. Emanuel says:

    Okay, here’s my contribution…

    Laura
    Unlucky
    St. Bernard Kerik
    Top!
    Condolhasa Apso
    Bichon Frist
    Talon
    Scalia
    GOPupUSA
    Xanax


  184. Maggie says:

    Blogger if a male

    Blogette if a female


  185. stoy says:

    How could I forget!

    “Assie”


  186. Evil Dr Puma says:

    How about “Freedom Poodle?”


  187. Jim Lavelle says:

  188. ken says:

    How about “Grandma”?

    That way, he can get used to saying “I’m buying dog food for Grandma,” before the Administration completely destroys Social Security.


  189. keith says:

    209. How about: “Not the biggest Punk-Ass-Little-Bitch in the house.”


  190. rob says:

    I think Alfie is good name. That’s what I named my dog.



  191. Cam says:

    Naming it “Alan” would just be redundant but if he named it “Liberal” there’d be two of them that have to obey his commands. If the guy who said “Blowhard McReaganhumper” does’nt want the book can I have it I promise to try and read as much as I can stomach.


  192. TDB says:

    I’m With Stupid


  193. AlanDownunder says:

    Murdoch you say?
    Call it Deng (pronounced dung) after Rupert’s second wife.


  194. The Precinct Chair says:

    I’d like to suggest “King” as a name for the puppy — after all, Larry’s show has been a dog for years.


  195. Johne says:

    “Jeff”. In homage to Jeff Gannon, the Talon newsman/GOP plant/male prostitute, whose real name “Jim” Gluckert is too hard for Scott McClelland to pronounce.


  196. David says:

    Ann Coulter! She is after all a real real dog!


  197. Ben Jones says:

    how about Foxl? That’s fitting. :)


  198. Anti-Jeb says:

    Mutt Gingrich
    Limpaw
    Flaccid
    Smarmaduke
    Chaos


  199. Ed says:

    Since Hannity has the chutzpah to question John Kerry “ever having been in combart,” let’s name the dog “Chickenhawk.”


  200. JFisher says:

    Just a synthesis of a few names from above:

    Goebbels McGipperhumper


  201. theodore says:

    German Shepard Smith–He seems to be the most liberal cog in the fox machine.


  202. Steve says:

  203. JRan says:

  204. the right is wrong says:

    hotmilitarystud

    or (if that’s too many syllables)

    Santorummy


  205. Mike Connell says:

  206. Jerry Leavens says:

    Name your dog Rush’s Butt Boy!!!


  207. Kara C says:

    How about “I’m Sorry”.

    It’s the only way those words will ever come out of that fat ass’s pie hole.

    Keep the book. I’m pretty well stocked with toilet paper.


  208. Doug says:

  209. tom says:

    He should call the dog, “Gathering Threat.” That way, when the dog pees on Ann Coulter’s carpet, Sean can get up and in a manly voice declare, “I’ll deal with this Gathering Threat!”

    For extra points, he could refer to dog poo as “Mushroom Clouds.”

    Or, he could follow Bush’s lead and call the dog “Crisis,” and divert a small part of the dog into a private account. He could declare that old methods of caring for dogs were created for another time, and enact dog care reforms that will lead to the dog being destroyed.

    Of course, the cost of caring for the dog will be borrowed.


  210. netjaeger says:

    Imo,
    “HelpMe”
    would be appropriate for pup.


  211. Carol says:

    Please! This is “Poochabuse.” Call the Humane Society immediately and let the adopting family name the dog.


  212. JZ says:

    Swifty (full name Swifty O’Neill)
    Flip-Flop
    Nuge
    Lil Bigot


  213. Yo Yo Yo says:

    Loofah would be the perfect name for a small dog.


  214. Hannity says:

    How about “Little Creature Who Has Higher Morals and More Common Sense Than Me”.


  215. steve youhanaie says:

    name the dog after hannity – “bottom feeder”


  216. Jamie says:

    how about “Oxy” after Rush Limbaugh’s favorite pill. . .


  217. By Lori H. says:

    Landis Is a good strong name!!!


  218. Katiemae says:

    How about Butthead – says it all!


  219. Katiemae says:

    Another thought – NEOCANINE
    or how about Draconia?


  220. Katiemae says:

    PS If I win, I’ll take the book. Good firestarter for my woodstove!


  221. Katherine H. says:

    Golden Deceiver

    Novak

    The Carlyle Pooch

    Crisis

    Cerberus


  222. Jon says:

  223. Jim Harlin says:

    Lil’ BSA, the BSA is not the motorcycle or visual artist and the pooch in tahter small


  224. LIsa says:

  225. Scott says:

  226. jen says:

    Osama – at least when he called him you’d kn w where he was finally.


  227. jen says:

    Valerie (Plame) – A national hero who was sacrificed for the administration’s warmongering whims.


  228. G Brule says:

    Ok, I posted two suggestions for Hannity.

    DOG – god backwards

    George Prescott Walker, Texas Nazi


  229. Alan says:

    How about Foxl (Hitler’s dog) or how about Gannon, that sounds better than Guckert


  230. eric says:

    1474

    for the number of soldiers killed in iraq (although this will have to be explained to sean as this new dog is clearly smarter than him) also, this name will change as the number of deaths continues to rise- again, the dog can probably handle this but sean will be perpertually confused.


  231. Jay says:

    evilDOOer or orwell the Fox hound


  232. Marcos says:

  233. asd says:

    “Gannon, that sounds better than Guckert”

    It’s easier to spell too!



  234. Jeb says:

    * Vader
    * Propaganda
    * Mengele
    * Prevaricator
    * Guano
    * Trojan


  235. Marie Therese says:

    Oh, blast Hannity! The puppy is actually CUTE!

    His site doesn’t specify the gender of the animal, but then, with the current speculation about Hannity’s links to Gannon, why doesn’t that surprise me?

    Ok, here goes. For a 50s kinda guy, living a buttoned-down 50s kinda life, a couple of 50s kinda names:

    If it’s a boy: Rock Houndson

    If it’s a girl: Myra Breckinpooch


  236. Danny G. says:

    Goebbels has to be the best.


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