“Earlier today, reports began circulating across the globe that I have recently stated that Jews can go to heaven without being converted to Jesus Christ. This is categorically untrue.“
Jerry Falwell- Heaven’s “Bouncer”. I hope he can “Falwell”, cause he’s going “downstairs”. And Jesus will say unto him, “Don’t let the door hit ya where my DAD split ya!! Buh-Bhy!”
It’s times like these when I wish there were an afterlife to be able to say to these holier-than-thou hypocrites “Told you so…” On second thought, nah.
Will Jerry be asking to see the men’s genitals, as proof of jewishness? But non-Jews “trim the hedge” as well. And what about the ladies? Jerry Falwell, forever judging others. I bet that IS his idea of Heaven. Ass.
#1 Who’s going to tell the Jehova’s Witnesses ? They think those spots are reserved for them! There’s going to be a “rumble”. Oh dear…
Falwell, Robertson: those dudes are too weird. The man is selling tickets to a virtual Disneyland! I love it!
Consider this: what are the essential attributes and beliefs of people who follow them? Like, umm, the people who are buying the tickets. Are these people less nutty? more? the same?
Thanks to Falwell the best basketball player in my towns history went to Liberty . He could’ve went anywhere . But he did score 20 points and had 5 assist bowwing out in the first round of the bigdance to eventual winners NCU .
He is as bad as Robertson and other telecrooks, err tele-evangelists.
Dig deep into your pockets folks,if he doesn’t get enough money to buy God that new car, God is gonna call him home. And they don’t have air conditioners down there either. =P
RunningDogLackey-if you’re scalping tickets, I’ll be in charge of the tail-gate party! Drinks on the house! I’ve got the distributership to cold beer in the southern hot region!
Yet another member of the Religious Right who has conveniently forgotten one important point…Jesus WAS a Jew!
Granted, there is that passage in the Gospels to the effect of “no one comes to the Father but through me” — but Falwell would also do well to remember another passage from the Gospels which states that Jesus will repudiate some of those who claim to be Christians and say to them “I never knew you.” This is why I’ve always preferred to think that God pays very little attention to the words in a person’s mouth and instead values the quality of the person’s heart. I think C.S. Lewis expressed this well in his book “The Last Battle”. One of the Calormene soldiers, who are the enemies of Narnia, is invited into the Narnian equivalent of heaven despite the fact that he was devoted to the Calormene god Tash. Aslan explains to him that Tash represents evil and that nothing good can be done in his name, while nothing bad can be done in Aslan’s name. If someone does a bad deed in Aslan’s name, it is Tash and not Aslan who accepts the deed — but because the Calormene soldier spent his life trying to do good deeds in the name of Tash, it was Aslan who accepted them and this is why the Calormene was allowed to enter heaven.
All of the televangalists are a bunch of greedy, judgemental, homophobe,
false-Christian pretenders. They wouldn’t know the words of Christ if they jumped up and bit them on the ass.
Jerry doesn’t have to worry about heaven himself. Have you seen him lately on TV. Unless the’ve had major expansion renovations on the Pearly Gates, I seriously doubt he could get his fat ass through them…Hey Jerry, is gluttony one of those ” you can’t come in here sins?”
If Jesus were to come in disguise today, and preach his message the same way, and challenge the powers that be, he would not end up on Calvary, but disappear into Gitmo
If Jesus were to come in disguise today, and preach his message the same way, and challenge the powers that be, he would not end up on Calvary, but disappear into Gitmo. — Clif
***********************
I came across this by accident one day and thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read — especially because it probably isn’t far removed from the way it would happen in real life. It’s called “Vote No On Jesus”…
Woody Allan: My father is a good man, send him to heaven.
Father: I’m a Jew. I don’t believe in heaven.
Woody Allan: So where do you want to go?
Father: A chinese resturaunt.
This pathetically pathological character seems to be in urgent need of medical treatment. Now he thinks he decides who goes to heaven and imagines his every utterance travels around the world. How delusional can you get?
Ask Jerry what he thinks about Mitt Romney and his fine conservative credentials. Want to aggravate the Social Conservatives? Get a Mitt Romney bumber sticker. Wouldn’t it be great for the Chrisitian Right to have to vote for a Mormon? Jerry , Jerry, Jerry, he should be on a diet show with Hal Lindsay and show a little discipline and faith and stay away from the Buffet line. Get buff for Jesus, sorry, no Jews, heathens, Morrmons, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindis,……
Cynical Ex-Hippie, that was beautiful.
I am such a strong admirer and supporter of George W. Bush that if he suggested eliminating the income tax or doubling it, I would vote yes on first blush.
Jerry Falwell
#39 – Joe, the scary part is there are people like that. They’ve swallowed the radical-right wing-nut talking points hook-line-&-sinker, and they’ll believe anything that Pres. Bush says just because he’s a Republican.
I wish the Republican party would return to their conservative roots: smaller federal government, personal responsibility, fiscal responsibility, and NOT LYING!
I was also raised as a Southern Baptist but I got over it when I realized the preversion of Christianity that was being represented to me from childhood.
How close have you come to either excommunication, tar & feathers, or being taken out of the church on a rail. Or are you like me and just chalk it all up to bullshit?
I wish the Republican party would return to their conservative roots: smaller federal government, personal responsibility, fiscal responsibility, and NOT LYING!
Comment by Democrat Soldier
Correct me if I’m wrong, but what conservative roots would that be? The personal responsibilty of Gerald Ford when the first thing he did when sworn in as president was give Nixon a pardon? Or the fiscal responsibility of Ronald Reagan when he began running up the huge deficits our country is still faced with today? Or the Richard Nixon conservative roots of not lying to the American public just before he was forced to resign?
Naw, Soldier, I don’t think I can take much more of the Republican “conservative roots” horseshit. And Dubya has certainly embraced all of them.
#42 – Joe, I’m referring to the “conservative ideals” that I recall from my childhood. You know, the ones that the Republican party has abandoned many years ago:
1 – Federal government should be large enough to provide national security, but small enough to answer for any excesses. (I know, it’ll never happen under a Republican, but I can dream.)
2 – Fiscal responsibility: repeal all the “tax cuts” until our debts are paid! The BS mantra about “it’s your money” doesn’t cut it when you’ve spent years racking up bills on the national credit card. You gotta pay for the things you bought on credit before you give tax cuts to the richest people in America. (Too bad Pres. Bush hates the middle class and poor Americans.)
3 – Personal responsibility: if you did it, admit it. Another ideal that Republicans refuse to adhere to concerning the illegal activities they partake in. When I was growing up, these “ideals” were taught to me and I was told they were “conservative” values. Those days are long gone, if they ever existed.
My desire is that the Republicans stop the crap of “do what I say, not what I do”. Unfortunately, they’ve been hijacked by the Neo-Cons, and their mantra is “Screw you, I’m getting my pockets lined and there aint nothing you can do to stop me!”
By the bye, Joe, I really do wish the Republican party would act like I was told they are supposed to act, but I’m not holding my breath. As much as I wish they had ethics and values that Americans could be proud of, they have become exactly like the things they used to oppose: dictatorial, unethical, lying hypocritical bigots.
Historically there was always agreement between the liberal and conservative wings of the two parties; the main differences were in social policies.
Now we’re seeing a real change in conservatism. It is fundamentally turning away from the Constitution and its processes in a supposed attempt to protect us from perceived enemies.
What you have left is the Democrats, who are merely trying to keep things the way they were. There hasn’t been a huge swithc on our side; the change was in conservatism. We just to get things back the way they were before it’s too late and America truly becomes a nation ruled by men and not by laws.
I was also raised as a Southern Baptist but I got over it when I realized the preversion of Christianity that was being represented to me from childhood.
Comment by Toes — March 14, 2006 @ 8:40 am
So what happened to get you to realize? Cause unlike Catholics, the Baptists have more fear and greater consequences.
Falwell is tough but fair. “New Covenant” and whatnot.
Good news is there’s STILL room for 144,000 Jews at the Rapture!
I’m not “going up” myself, but I WILL be scalping seats in the parking lot.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:36 pmJerry Falwell- Heaven’s “Bouncer”. I hope he can “Falwell”, cause he’s going “downstairs”. And Jesus will say unto him, “Don’t let the door hit ya where my DAD split ya!! Buh-Bhy!”
March 13th, 2006 at 7:41 pmI’m not “going up†myself, but I WILL be scalping seats in the parking lot.
Comment by RunningDogLackey — March 13, 2006 @ 7:36 pm
Funniest line of the day!
March 13th, 2006 at 7:44 pmFaldwell, you can’t prove anything you say, because all you say is a ‘belief’. You have no facts, please shut up.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:44 pmIt’s times like these when I wish there were an afterlife to be able to say to these holier-than-thou hypocrites “Told you so…” On second thought, nah.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:47 pmFalwell is a crackpot who perverts Christianity. Come to think of it he’s just a evil bastard..nuff said.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:47 pmHey y’all! It gets better!!
Check out what Pat Robertson just said about Muslims being Satanic. Boy, you just can’t make this stuff up.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Funny Fawlell declares knowing what even Jesus denied Knowing…..
March 13th, 2006 at 7:52 pmIf theres a hell below, we’re ALL gonna go!
-curtis mayfield
(curtis clearly was alot smarter than jerry)
March 13th, 2006 at 7:53 pmok, that didn’t link like I expected. Here it is:
Dumbass
March 13th, 2006 at 7:54 pmWill Jerry be asking to see the men’s genitals, as proof of jewishness? But non-Jews “trim the hedge” as well. And what about the ladies? Jerry Falwell, forever judging others. I bet that IS his idea of Heaven. Ass.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:58 pm#1 Who’s going to tell the Jehova’s Witnesses ? They think those spots are reserved for them! There’s going to be a “rumble”. Oh dear…
OK, OK. Jews are going to hell. Check. Muslims are satanic. Check.
I’m sad to announce that this year’s Ecumenical Inter-Faith Fellowship Breakfast has been canceled for lack of invitees.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:59 pmFalwell, Robertson, Dobson:AMERICAN TALIBAN!!!
March 13th, 2006 at 8:41 pmHey you got your christian in my judeao
March 13th, 2006 at 8:41 pmFalwell, Robertson: those dudes are too weird. The man is selling tickets to a virtual Disneyland! I love it!
March 13th, 2006 at 8:43 pmConsider this: what are the essential attributes and beliefs of people who follow them? Like, umm, the people who are buying the tickets. Are these people less nutty? more? the same?
Thanks to Falwell the best basketball player in my towns history went to Liberty . He could’ve went anywhere . But he did score 20 points and had 5 assist bowwing out in the first round of the bigdance to eventual winners NCU .
March 13th, 2006 at 8:48 pmFalwell…… bleh!
He is as bad as Robertson and other telecrooks, err tele-evangelists.
Dig deep into your pockets folks,if he doesn’t get enough money to buy God that new car, God is gonna call him home. And they don’t have air conditioners down there either. =P
March 13th, 2006 at 8:59 pmPart of me wishes the rapture would happen. That way we can either get rid of Falwell and his ilk, or not have to worry about them
March 13th, 2006 at 9:02 pmFunny Fawlell declares knowing what even Jesus denied Knowing…..
Comment by Clif
Same goes for all the born-again, evangelical “Christians.”
March 13th, 2006 at 9:33 pmRunningDogLackey-if you’re scalping tickets, I’ll be in charge of the tail-gate party! Drinks on the house! I’ve got the distributership to cold beer in the southern hot region!
March 13th, 2006 at 9:43 pmIt was circulating across the globe he was worried about. Apparently word got to “the big guy”…
March 13th, 2006 at 10:08 pmYet another member of the Religious Right who has conveniently forgotten one important point…Jesus WAS a Jew!
Granted, there is that passage in the Gospels to the effect of “no one comes to the Father but through me” — but Falwell would also do well to remember another passage from the Gospels which states that Jesus will repudiate some of those who claim to be Christians and say to them “I never knew you.” This is why I’ve always preferred to think that God pays very little attention to the words in a person’s mouth and instead values the quality of the person’s heart. I think C.S. Lewis expressed this well in his book “The Last Battle”. One of the Calormene soldiers, who are the enemies of Narnia, is invited into the Narnian equivalent of heaven despite the fact that he was devoted to the Calormene god Tash. Aslan explains to him that Tash represents evil and that nothing good can be done in his name, while nothing bad can be done in Aslan’s name. If someone does a bad deed in Aslan’s name, it is Tash and not Aslan who accepts the deed — but because the Calormene soldier spent his life trying to do good deeds in the name of Tash, it was Aslan who accepted them and this is why the Calormene was allowed to enter heaven.
March 13th, 2006 at 10:29 pm#21 Lisa W.: You’re on!
Don’t forget the pennants and the bobble-heads, and those stick-on fish-thingies,
Plus, we should have egg creams and little finger-noshes for all the Jews who get left behind.
We could retire on that, I tell ya!
March 13th, 2006 at 10:32 pmThis here is a test to determine if my post will show up this time….
Here is my personal profile for all to read:
Name:Matthew James Price
March 13th, 2006 at 10:50 pmAge:21
Religion:Christianity(Southern Baptist)
Sign:Gemini
Blood Type: I don’t know.
Political/ideological Affiliation: Progressive Liberal Democrat
Home State:Alabama
Abortion Position: Pro-Choice
All of the televangalists are a bunch of greedy, judgemental, homophobe,
March 13th, 2006 at 10:53 pmfalse-Christian pretenders. They wouldn’t know the words of Christ if they jumped up and bit them on the ass.
I could out-Christian Jerry Falwell any day of the week without even trying.
March 13th, 2006 at 10:54 pmahhh, this dovetails nicely into pat robertson’s recent comments:
“the goal of Islam, ladies and gentlemen, whether you like it or not, is world domination.”
to which i would respond:
“the goal of christianity, ladies and gentlemen, whether you like it or not, is world domination.”
jesus didn’t want christians. he wanted better jews.
March 13th, 2006 at 10:55 pm#29 Yeah, well — Cthulu says “Talk to the hand, baby.”
The Great Old Ones have first dibs on THIS rock.
March 13th, 2006 at 10:59 pmJerry doesn’t have to worry about heaven himself. Have you seen him lately on TV. Unless the’ve had major expansion renovations on the Pearly Gates, I seriously doubt he could get his fat ass through them…Hey Jerry, is gluttony one of those ” you can’t come in here sins?”
March 13th, 2006 at 10:59 pm#28 Sorry, PR. #29 was for you.
March 13th, 2006 at 11:00 pmIf Jesus were to come in disguise today, and preach his message the same way, and challenge the powers that be, he would not end up on Calvary, but disappear into Gitmo
March 13th, 2006 at 11:25 pmIf Jesus were to come in disguise today, and preach his message the same way, and challenge the powers that be, he would not end up on Calvary, but disappear into Gitmo. — Clif
***********************
I came across this by accident one day and thought it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read — especially because it probably isn’t far removed from the way it would happen in real life. It’s called “Vote No On Jesus”…
Here’s the link:
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2003/12/23mcintire.html
March 14th, 2006 at 12:06 amBlusstocking I hadn’t read that before, but that is where my mind was at, thanks…
March 14th, 2006 at 12:27 amWoody Allan: My father is a good man, send him to heaven.
March 14th, 2006 at 12:35 amFather: I’m a Jew. I don’t believe in heaven.
Woody Allan: So where do you want to go?
Father: A chinese resturaunt.
If you think about it, chaining a man to a ceiling until he dies is basically crucifixion.
People compare us to the Romans, and we send our army to the middle east to crucify those we deem a threat.
March 14th, 2006 at 12:37 amThis pathetically pathological character seems to be in urgent need of medical treatment. Now he thinks he decides who goes to heaven and imagines his every utterance travels around the world. How delusional can you get?
March 14th, 2006 at 6:47 amAsk Jerry what he thinks about Mitt Romney and his fine conservative credentials. Want to aggravate the Social Conservatives? Get a Mitt Romney bumber sticker. Wouldn’t it be great for the Chrisitian Right to have to vote for a Mormon? Jerry , Jerry, Jerry, he should be on a diet show with Hal Lindsay and show a little discipline and faith and stay away from the Buffet line. Get buff for Jesus, sorry, no Jews, heathens, Morrmons, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindis,……
March 14th, 2006 at 7:16 amCynical Ex-Hippie, that was beautiful.
I am such a strong admirer and supporter of George W. Bush that if he suggested eliminating the income tax or doubling it, I would vote yes on first blush.
March 14th, 2006 at 7:49 amJerry Falwell
#39 – Joe, the scary part is there are people like that. They’ve swallowed the radical-right wing-nut talking points hook-line-&-sinker, and they’ll believe anything that Pres. Bush says just because he’s a Republican.
I wish the Republican party would return to their conservative roots: smaller federal government, personal responsibility, fiscal responsibility, and NOT LYING!
March 14th, 2006 at 8:20 amHey Matthew J.—–
I was also raised as a Southern Baptist but I got over it when I realized the preversion of Christianity that was being represented to me from childhood.
How close have you come to either excommunication, tar & feathers, or being taken out of the church on a rail. Or are you like me and just chalk it all up to bullshit?
March 14th, 2006 at 8:40 amI wish the Republican party would return to their conservative roots: smaller federal government, personal responsibility, fiscal responsibility, and NOT LYING!
Comment by Democrat Soldier
Correct me if I’m wrong, but what conservative roots would that be? The personal responsibilty of Gerald Ford when the first thing he did when sworn in as president was give Nixon a pardon? Or the fiscal responsibility of Ronald Reagan when he began running up the huge deficits our country is still faced with today? Or the Richard Nixon conservative roots of not lying to the American public just before he was forced to resign?
Naw, Soldier, I don’t think I can take much more of the Republican “conservative roots” horseshit. And Dubya has certainly embraced all of them.
March 14th, 2006 at 8:48 am#42 – Joe, I’m referring to the “conservative ideals” that I recall from my childhood. You know, the ones that the Republican party has abandoned many years ago:
1 – Federal government should be large enough to provide national security, but small enough to answer for any excesses. (I know, it’ll never happen under a Republican, but I can dream.)
2 – Fiscal responsibility: repeal all the “tax cuts” until our debts are paid! The BS mantra about “it’s your money” doesn’t cut it when you’ve spent years racking up bills on the national credit card. You gotta pay for the things you bought on credit before you give tax cuts to the richest people in America. (Too bad Pres. Bush hates the middle class and poor Americans.)
3 – Personal responsibility: if you did it, admit it. Another ideal that Republicans refuse to adhere to concerning the illegal activities they partake in. When I was growing up, these “ideals” were taught to me and I was told they were “conservative” values. Those days are long gone, if they ever existed.
My desire is that the Republicans stop the crap of “do what I say, not what I do”. Unfortunately, they’ve been hijacked by the Neo-Cons, and their mantra is “Screw you, I’m getting my pockets lined and there aint nothing you can do to stop me!”
By the bye, Joe, I really do wish the Republican party would act like I was told they are supposed to act, but I’m not holding my breath. As much as I wish they had ethics and values that Americans could be proud of, they have become exactly like the things they used to oppose: dictatorial, unethical, lying hypocritical bigots.
March 14th, 2006 at 10:02 amHistorically there was always agreement between the liberal and conservative wings of the two parties; the main differences were in social policies.
Now we’re seeing a real change in conservatism. It is fundamentally turning away from the Constitution and its processes in a supposed attempt to protect us from perceived enemies.
What you have left is the Democrats, who are merely trying to keep things the way they were. There hasn’t been a huge swithc on our side; the change was in conservatism. We just to get things back the way they were before it’s too late and America truly becomes a nation ruled by men and not by laws.
March 14th, 2006 at 10:47 amI was also raised as a Southern Baptist but I got over it when I realized the preversion of Christianity that was being represented to me from childhood.
Comment by Toes — March 14, 2006 @ 8:40 am
So what happened to get you to realize? Cause unlike Catholics, the Baptists have more fear and greater consequences.
March 14th, 2006 at 1:14 pmLike Falwell is Christ’s representative of a religion of “love”?
Jerry F. makes me think that christians in the US are all about hate and nothing about love. Gads! What a wacky group they are!!!
March 14th, 2006 at 1:18 pm