Ashcroft enshrined.
By on Nov 17th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
Ashcroft enshrined.
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft, after the unveiling ceremony of his official portrait at the Justice Department today.
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Damn, I thought he was dead.
Let the Eagle Soarrrrr, like he’s never soarrrred beforrrrre…!
What no big bronze statues of ladies with boobies behind him?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:22 pmI wonder if he lubed up with a tin of Crisco before the unveling?
In his 1998 book, “Lessons From a Father to His Son,” he wrote that he held voluntary daily prayers with his staff and anointed himself prior to each of his two terms as Missouri’s governor. He did so again, using a bowl of Crisco oil, before being sworn in 1995 as senator. (How the Religious Right Pushed for Ashcroft’s Nomination
November 17th, 2006 at 9:31 pmHis voting record and post-election comport paved path to Cabinet)
Damn, Zooey, you said exactly what I was going to say!
Is there nothing else Ashcroft is known for?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:31 pmDamn, I thought he was dead.
They always say it’s the thought that counts.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:31 pmThere should also be a plaque underneath his portrait which will state, correctly, that while Vice President Cheney needed five deferments to dodge his military service and thus escape going to the jungles of Vietnam, John Ashcroft actually was able to outshine our less than patriotic vice president. Ashcroft managed to somehow come up with an astonishing SEVEN deferments in order to avoid military service and, like Bush and Cheney, illustrated how truly unpatriotic he is while he and the others in the Bush administration would urge the citizens of this county to “sacrifice” for the good of the country. Ashcroft and Cheney and Bush do not exactly stand out by showing this country the true meaning of the word sacrifice. Hypocrites.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:34 pmI’ve done more for this country than Ashcroft, and all I do is sit on my damn couch! Where’s my portrait?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:40 pmAll the Attorney Generals probably get their portrait in the “halls of justice”. I can only hope they put Ashcroft’s in the bathroom.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:43 pmI’ve done more for this country than Ashcroft, and all I do is sit on my damn couch! Where’s my portrait?
Comment by Yeti_Steve
The dog barfed on the carpet and it looks just like you — wait until you see it!
November 17th, 2006 at 9:44 pmI can only hope they put Ashcroft’s in the bathroom.
Comment by ForTruth
The Hall of Latrines?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:45 pmYes Hall of Latrines.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:51 pmHi Zooey…
November 17th, 2006 at 9:51 pmThe clean latrines, I guess.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:53 pmHi Truth. What’s going on this evening?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:55 pmThe dog barfed on the carpet and it looks just like you — wait until you see it!
Comment by Zooey
Eh?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:56 pmEh?
Comment by Yeti_Steve
Nevermind. I’m not gonna draw you a picture!
November 17th, 2006 at 9:57 pmZooey, I am having a good Friday night, mostly because I don’t have to pick up any dog barf.
November 17th, 2006 at 9:58 pmTruth,
It dried before I found it, so it’s a bit of a problem. You wanted to know that, right? I’m catching up on my correspondence tonight.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:00 pmYou know if someone cut a slit in the painting about where his fly is and stuck a life-like dildo through it….well that would just about make up for all the crap that self righteous a** has pulled.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:02 pmCould make a nice photo to hang with the others in the Post Office.
Will they also make a postage stamp, so the adoring neocons can lick his backside whenever they want?
How about some poetic justice – drape a cloth over that butt-ugly face (on the portrait and on the “real” thing).
November 17th, 2006 at 10:03 pmTake your dog to the DOJ so he can puke on that portrait! Stat!
http://www.getsomejosh.com
November 17th, 2006 at 10:03 pmNevermind. I’m not gonna draw you a picture!
Comment by Zooey
Is my dog sick!?
November 17th, 2006 at 10:04 pmJohn Ashcroft.
Charter member of the “American Taliban.”
November 17th, 2006 at 10:04 pmI hate it when the yellow dog barf is dried in the carpet, much more luck in the non-carpeted areas. Good to hear you are catching up on your correspondence.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:04 pmWouldn’t it be cool if someone painted over his portrait with a woman’s body? I mean seeing Ashcroft with boobs – well it wouldn’t get me excited – but I’d be laughing my sweet ass off.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:06 pmJ Swift,
I always get a good laugh from the sick humor.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:06 pmI really wouldn’t want to see Ashcroft with boobs, that would be bad for boobs everywhere.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:09 pmIs my dog sick!?
Comment by Yeti_Steve
I’m poisoning her.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:11 pmI’m poisoning her.
Comment by Zooey
Good!
November 17th, 2006 at 10:15 pmI’m gonna have her freeze-dried.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:20 pmI’m gonna have her freeze-dried.
Comment by Zooey
I just saw that on tv recently, they were freeze drying people’s pets, it was creepy.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:24 pmTotally creepy, my friend.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:25 pmTP is slow tonight.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:27 pmTP is slow tonight.
Comment by Zooey
I thought it seemed like more than the usual wait to see a post.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:32 pmNeeds a moustache.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:33 pmOf course, when I posted #32, it came up immediately. :)
November 17th, 2006 at 10:36 pmREMINDER: TP is not a personal CHAT ROOM.
REMINDER: There are plenty of other areas and ways on the web to yack it up privately, i.e. where you are not wasting other people’s bandwidth.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:43 pmComment by goodscarrier
Thank you for your kind reminder, Judd. :P
November 17th, 2006 at 10:44 pmLet the eagle soar
November 17th, 2006 at 10:46 pmLike she’s never soared before
From rocky coast to golden shore
Hmmmmm, bore rhymes with……..
Put a curtain on the obsenity!!!
November 17th, 2006 at 11:16 pmIt made me throw up a little!
Man, Ashcroft looks horrible. The portrait is pretty bad too.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:33 pmI wish his tie in the portrait looked like the tie he’s wearing.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:37 pmI think I can see his tit.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:41 pmCongratulations to the greatest Attorney General since Robert Kennedy. All America thanks you, John Ashcroft, for your brave and selfless service to our nation.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:43 pmThe book he’s leaning on is The Dummies Guide to Dismantling the Constitution.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:45 pmCongratulations to the greatest Attorney General since Robert Kennedy. All America thanks you, John Ashcroft, for your brave and selfless service to our nation.
Comment by Exley
Um…Exley. I highly doubt he frequents here to read your “comments”. But hey…whatever floats your boat.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:46 pmCongratulations to the greatest Attorney General since Robert Kennedy. All America thanks you, John Ashcroft, for your brave and selfless service to our nation.
Comment by Exley
You just wait to see what other people say, and then put up the opposite, don’t you?
Don’t answer, I’m not getting into anything with you this evening. Ugh.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:47 pmYou just wait to see what other people say, and then put up the opposite, don’t you?
Comment by Zooey
He must come from the planet Bizarro.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:49 pmHe must come from the planet Bizarro.
Comment by dlet
Sure of it, I am.
November 17th, 2006 at 11:53 pmGoodscarrier: Thanks for the reminder and for keeping with the theme of tonight’s chat by using the word “yack”.
Does anyone remember the hideous vests he and Lott and the other guy used to wear when they sang their cheesy, badly written faux patriotic songs? They should have painted him in that for his official portrait.
November 18th, 2006 at 12:05 am#43 That’s really good! You should write for the Onion. Not all of us can do satire well.
November 18th, 2006 at 12:07 amThat’s really good! You should write for the Onion. Not all of us can do satire well.
Comment by Kiki
You are too optimistic.
November 18th, 2006 at 12:11 amSchist, I was hoping that he had been interred,, the World needs to be freed of these parasites.
November 18th, 2006 at 1:09 amHe looks like he has to go to the bathroom… in the photo as well as the portrait.
November 18th, 2006 at 1:10 amYes Jhonny boy, thanks for riding rough over the constitution all in the name of our imaginary super secret war to annihilate all the smelly arabs in caves who hate us. I do have to give me credit, though, for not signing off on that warantless wiretapping.
November 18th, 2006 at 1:21 amWhat?
November 18th, 2006 at 1:27 amNo blue drapes in the background? With a bit of white marble peeking through?
Quick, somebody get a sheet to cover up that boob!
November 18th, 2006 at 4:34 amThey forgot to include a statue of liberty with bare bosoms in the background. That would have completed the tableau more accurately.
November 18th, 2006 at 7:02 amJohn Ashcroft epitomizes what Republican truly are-simple-minded morons
November 18th, 2006 at 7:09 amI can only hope that ugly mug will be hung next to a statue whose breast is exposed. Then we can hang a blue drape on the photo as not to offend the statue.
November 18th, 2006 at 7:28 amHe told NPR that Bush has done more to protect civil rights of Americans than any other president.
November 18th, 2006 at 7:39 amCan all the Bush administration crooks ALL get framed this way after the investigations get started?
November 18th, 2006 at 7:54 amIn the post-September 11 environment, Ashcroft decided to inspire his Justice Department employees by starting each day with song. But such godless standards as the “Star Spangled Banner” just wouldn’t suffice. Ashcroft wrote his own song, “Let the Eagle Soar,” and forced his hapless subordinates to join him in a daily caterwaul of defiance to such outmoded concepts as “separation of church and state”.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:02 amCongratulations to the greatest Attorney General since Robert Kennedy. All America thanks you, John Ashcroft, for your brave and selfless service to our nation.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:07 amComment by Exley
Sir: I knew Bobby Kennedy. John Ashcroft was no Bobby Kennedy.
I know a woman who has a sheet to cover the picture.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:12 amI know a woman who has a sheet he can borrow
November 18th, 2006 at 8:13 amAfter the righteous recriminations and purgings of the criminals in our government take place…
…there needs to be a real effort put forth to restore honor and dignity to our DOJ and Nation’s Capitol in general…
…the FBI building should be renamed (J Edgar Hoover was a racist UNAMERICAN cross dressing hypocritical pig)…
…Ashcroft’s portrait should be taken out and publicly burned…
…and every Confederate TRAITOR’s portrait and statues removed from the Capitol rotunda…
…the Confederate flag should be outlawed as a symbol of terrorism and TREASON!
…this country’s obsession with White male dominance has to be STOPPED…
…or this country will certainly fall under the weight of its own hypocrisy and INjustice!
November 18th, 2006 at 8:34 amJesus! Somebody paint a fig leaf on that thing!
November 18th, 2006 at 9:16 amCan someone please photoshop it with a BIG busted statue draped in blue standing behind or beside him? A bottle of crisco oil in his hand would be a nice touch.
November 18th, 2006 at 9:44 amTiz ok. Those portraits can down off the walls just as easily as they were hung.
And once the hearings begin… well, I’m just saying.
November 18th, 2006 at 9:57 amI’m offended. Can we cover him up with some kind of drapery?
November 18th, 2006 at 10:07 am“make me look yooooouuuuunnnggggg”
November 18th, 2006 at 10:13 amI’m sorry. I don’t mean to be dense, but what are the references to Crisco oil about?
November 18th, 2006 at 10:58 amOh. Nevermind. Ew.
November 18th, 2006 at 10:58 amZooey- “Ew”? Open your mind to some fun!
November 18th, 2006 at 12:32 pmActually. Zooey, I guess I was thinking of Wesson Oil. Sorry!
November 18th, 2006 at 12:36 pmOpen your mind to some fun!
Comment by barrelhse
Oh it’s open! I’m all for the fun!
I just don’t want an oil-sprinkled Ashcroft mixed in there.
November 18th, 2006 at 12:37 pm*gag*
This is one of the funniest threads I have ever read–thanks guys. I had a question about the Crisco too. Where does he put it?
November 18th, 2006 at 12:38 pm#56 DegreesofGray:
Laugh! My first thought exactly. I can’t believe it took 56 posts for someone to say that (or maybe it was too obvious)!
November 18th, 2006 at 12:46 pmI agree with the previous posts about covering this obcenity.
I disagree with the previous posts about using a sheet, draperies, etc.
The obvious choice: a SAND BAG
November 18th, 2006 at 12:48 pmThe obvious choice: a SAND BAG
Comment by draftedin68
Fantastic…
Ladies & gentlemen, I believe we have a winner…
November 18th, 2006 at 1:00 pmdisgusting, outrageous, what’s the best country that I can escape to?
November 18th, 2006 at 2:11 pmGood thing they covered histits!
November 18th, 2006 at 2:59 pmIm sure the picture doesn’t show the “Kneeing Stand” sitting on the floor, so worshipers can say prayers to another one of their God’s. You’re supposed to laugh!
November 18th, 2006 at 3:00 pmCan we cover it with a drape?
November 18th, 2006 at 3:32 pmSomeone burn it please. I’ll give you 50 bucks and some chocolate cookies.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:22 pmGod,
I’ll do it just for the chocolate cookies — keep the $50.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:33 pmI hate that son-of-a-*****!
November 19th, 2006 at 7:03 pmSeeing that portrait, and just thinking about it being in public view makes me wanna urp.
November 19th, 2006 at 9:29 pm