Think Progress

Newt has plan to become president ‘almost by magic.’

“I am not ‘running’ for president,” former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA) tells Fortune. “I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen.”




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79 Responses to “Newt has plan to become president ‘almost by magic.’”

  1. NoMoreRepublicanTrash Says:

    I needed that laugh today. That's rich. I never knew NG had a such a sense of humor and irony.


  2. KRank Says:

    Run, Newt, run!

    Oh please please please please please please pretty please with sugar on top run, Newt! You'd make th awesomest preznit in years! Maybe even ever!


  3. unbelievable Says:

    Silly Newt...

    (shaking head in utter disbelief at the persisting puerile Rethuglican view of politics...)


  4. Johnny Lib Says:

    And to think of how ridiculed John Kerry was for failing to deliver his joke properly!

    It's too bad The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are taking the week off!


  5. james k. sayre Says:

    I'm the Newt of Earl and you can be my Newtess...

    With apologies to the late and great Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.

    Cheers.


  6. Hardy Haberman Says:

    Solution # 1:

    Newt retires from politics forever.

    Solution # 2:

    Newt declines further press interviews.

    Solution # 3:

    Newt takes up an honest profession like dog catcher.

    Pretty compelling solutions, but I still won't vote for him.


  7. nnoodles Says:

    by using fairy dust & magic beans, the presidency will simply sprout up underneath Newts fat butt & he will rise miraculously into the White House. hoorah!

    sheesh...I want some of what he's been smoking.


  8. relaera Says:

    wasn't that Ross Perot's shtick, too. "I'm running because the people want it" kind of thing.

    THey're both crazy, but at least Perot made a fortune in real life while Newtie has just made money from being crazy about politics.


  9. DieNowForPeace Says:

    AS IF??!?!??!?!?!??!?!!


  10. kentondem Says:

    The Immaculate Presidency.


  11. GSD Says:

    That Newt Gingrich is so damn likeable the nation will come running to his call.

    Then again, I predicted that OJ would have a career after his acquittal on double homicide charges.

    -GSD


  12. hellinabucket Says:

    It sounds like he's going to repackage the same empty promises he had in the contract with america.


  13. RealScientist Says:

    The notion that a proven loser like Newt might be even remotely considered presidential timber shows just how fast and far the GOP has fallen.


  14. km4 Says:

    Newt is a superinflated asshat !


  15. Rebel In CA Says:

    Gingrich Potion (Guarantees Election to High Office)

    Contains some or all of the following
    Denial, Deceit, Twisted neo-con phillosophy, Eye of the Newt


  16. Thad Says:

    Hey, it worked for Nader in '96.

    Oh, wait.


  17. Rebel In CA Says:

    Yet another broken "Contract with America"


  18. veritas Says:

    Newt should run....waste his money and make it a "shoe in" for Dems in 08! Run, Neutered Newt, run! We're begging you.


  19. ggibson Says:

    I would vote for him.

    If he poors 100s of billions into getting America off Saudi Arabia oil umbilical via hydrogen, ethnanol, pebble bed nuclear reactors, whatever... short of that he had better have Jesus running as his VP.


  20. Swordsbane Says:

    Well if he DID offer compelling solutions to America's problems, the country would demand he be made president.

    Of course, is there anyone here that thinks that this is really what he has in mind? He's reinvented himself alright... in his own mind.


  21. Designer Says:

    The Prancing Pony Party...


  22. mparker Says:

    "Sure Newt, It's a slam dunk."

    Somewhere in his fantasy America will greet him with flowers and chocolates.


  23. Zimzone Says:

    Eye of Newt,
    Limb of Bush.
    Brain of Rove,
    Mouth of Rush.
    Mix well for about 3 seconds.
    Put in oven at 6,700 degrees for a week.
    Problem is, they still come out half baked!
    If Getrich runs for President, how 'bout Coulter for VP?

    I say let's dump Newt faster than he dumped his last 2 wives.


  24. dlet Says:

    Newt - a reptile that lives under rocks

    Yep, his mama done named that one good.

    The RNC presidential candidates:
    Newt Gingrich
    John McCain
    Bill Frist

    Yeah, that'll be fun to watch.


  25. Jonathon Says:

    Keep. Dreaming.

    Gingrich as president? Not. Going. To. Happen. Hell, he's even unpopular in Georgia! The rest of the country dislikes him even more.

    Crawl back under your rock, Newt!!!


  26. Bluedog49 Says:

    And, we can TRUST Newt! Just ask his first two wives.


  27. JustSomeDude Says:

    His secret is you don't really see a FAT PIG, he is really pregnant with Jebus. He thinks it's Jebus second coming (Chimpy talks to god and told hime so). Sadly what really will happen it will be a black female baby, thus dousing the hope of all Jebus lovers all over America.


  28. dlet Says:

    Way off topic but I just read a real good article on gay marriage.

    Definately worth a read.


  29. unbelievable Says:

    Newt thinks he is the second coming of Jeebus...

    Do delusions of grandeur get any more absurd?


  30. Swordsbane Says:

    Eye of Newt,
    Limb of Bush.
    Brain of Rove,
    Mouth of Rush.
    Mix well for about 3 seconds.
    Put in oven at 6,700 degrees for a week.
    Problem is, they still come out half baked!

    Comment by Zimzone — November 21, 2006 @ 4:25 pm

    Let me guess... this is a potion that makes you vomit every 2 years.


  31. Fredric L. Rice Says:

    What an insane Christofascist cultist!

    Good grief. The god damned insane cultist morons truly are profoundly bug-shitting insane.


  32. Innocent Bystander Says:

    You can run Newt, but you can't hide. All that baggage is gonna slow you down. Just what we want, the architect of the "Contract on America" running the show. Sorry Newtster, your time has come....and gone.


  33. S.D. Says:

    Faith based Campaign?


  34. And You Thought REAGAN Was Stupid Says:

    Everyone here knows that Newt's legacy is based on his utter failure to deliver on his "Contract with America." Why would we want another failed presidency, when we have one right now?


  35. Taguba Says:

    He can run with Guliani on the
    "Adultery Ticket"
    the party of fake values and fake morals would really show their true colors.


  36. Wayne Says:

    “I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen.” --- Newt

    Bwahahahahahahaha.
    **deep breaths****
    Bwahahahahahahaha.


  37. red state liberal Says:

    He's been reading too many Wayne Dyer books.


  38. oldtree Says:

    and newt who knew too much....... when you make all your animal deals, you're still thick as a brick


  39. johnny Says:

    Sounds like he is planning on stealing the pResidency again or think he will just be appointed by the "great decider" or SCOTUS. Either of those scenarios are pretty scary.


  40. jeffs Says:

    He gives salamanders a bad name.

    But I want him to run. That makes four adulterers running for the Republican nomination: Newt, John, Rudy & Mitt.


  41. skeeenah Says:

    Sounds like Newt may actually be Tyler Durden and has finally initiated Project Chaos.


  42. Paul in LA Says:

    "”I am not ‘running’ for president," I'm betting enough of the vote-fraud equipment is still in place in 2008 for a boondoggle victory that splits what's left of America into screaming nonentity.

    "Look, Amerika is a sandwich. Every so often you need some Democratic luncheon meat and other fillings to go between slices of Rapepublican toast. Sure, the toast is NEVER elected legally -- but since a sandwich is nothing without toast, you and I both know that you need to have authoritarian corporatists to rule over you, because you're pathetic. No, I mean that, pathetic. You feel. That's your greatest weakness.

    "I've screwed Amerika so many times my Johnny is sore. I was Rumsfeld's biggest political advisor, and we burned a hole in the Treasury big enough to make the Grand Canyon look like a crack in the sidewalk.

    "I'm Newt Gingrich, and I approved this message: we don't play by the rules -- rules are for fools."


  43. j swift Says:

    WTF? He thinks he is Thomas Jefferson or sumthin?


  44. Tom Says:

    So what's Newt got up his sleeve?
    Another Contract on America, perhaps?


  45. trueblue Says:

    Let's not forget that this 'Human Muppet'
    (Thanks, Stephanie Miller!)

    asked his dying wife (of cancer), in the hospital, for a divorce, so he could marry his mistress.


  46. Shlomo Says:

    Newt will be greeted as a liberator. His campaign might take six days, six weeks, I doubt even six months.

    /sarcasm off


  47. Nan Says:

    This guy has serious delusions of grandeur.

    That said, RUN NEWT RUN!


  48. robert Says:

    NEWT, please DON"T DO IT!!! Please, please, please DON'T DO IT!!!


  49. JaneESchneider Says:

    He's going to run on the "Giraffe Hunters" ticket.


  50. blitz Says:

    Is Newt that delusional? The midterms prove that Americans don;t want polarizing right-wing lunatics in charge of anything. If his evangelical cronies want to put him in as the nominee, fine. He'll lose - big time.

    Check out this Nancy Pelosi guest blog from today.
    http://polibuzz.blogspot.com/2006/11/political-buzz-exclusive-5-questions.html

    Not exactly riveting stuff, but waht she talks about is promising. Love the part about nixing the subsidies of Big Oil. Sweet!


  51. veritas Says:

    I can see it all so clearly: The Ticket From Hell - Newt Gingrich and Ann Coulter! What a demented combo!


  52. Apple Says:

    I believe Newt said exactly the same thing in 2000 and 2004. Man, what a toad!


  53. pluege Says:

    newt's rantings are those of a man with a God complex.
    .


  54. theswan Says:

    Newt is not for Newton.
    Newt just keeps on floating through space.


  55. jurassicpork Says:

    "Magic" may be the right word. Look at George Bush got "elected." There was some sort of sinister dexterity at work there.


  56. Jackie Says:

    Where's Harry Potter when you need him. Well we have a new contract with America or a surprise. Newt is only remembered for the lies and cheating on his wife while calling Bill Clinton everything under the sun.
    So far only the Republican losers are coming out to be President. Look we've had enough of losers and idiots. No more please.


  57. Pete_Bogs Says:

    it's his Contract On America...


  58. Zooey Says:

    I so hope he runs. It would be sooooo much fun. For us...


  59. Jim Says:

    #24: Newt - a reptile that lives under rocks

    Actually, I believe newts are amphibians.


  60. Marie Says:

    It's hard to type when I am laughing so hard.
    If he thinks he will gather some kind of huge grass roots support and be swept into the Oval Office, he is beyond arrogance, and incredibly stupid.
    Just watching him, with his personal background, trying to garner votes would be worth the price of admission - bring the popcorn. Let's watch Newt twist in the wind until he coils like the snake he is.


  61. glas Says:

    He is a delusional egomaniac with an eye like a fly that is giving him a prism like image serious inflating his imagined support.


  62. Zep Tepi Non Scalar Wave Says:

    Newt aint got 'it' bwaaaaaaaaaaa!

    It is generally accepted that more than 10(-6) gauss order magnetism was not detected in normal human condition. However, we detected 10(-3) gauss (mGauss) order bio-magnetic field strength from the palm in special persons who emitted External Qi ("Chi" or "Ki"). This detection was possible by special arranged magnetic field detection system, consisted of a pair of 2 identical coils with 80,000 turns and a high sensitivity amplifier. Each of the coils were rolled 80,000 turns accurately, and were connected in series in opposite direction, actuating as a gradiometer. We measure bio-magnetic field strength in 37 subjects with this detection system. The only 3 subjects of them exhibited strong bio-magnetic field of 2 to 4 mGauss in frequency range of 4 to 10 Hz

    This is why I can't wear watches and well thats why I am a CHI-stian of the kind that you won't find in the bible =)

    Although scared geometry was in use it was little understood.
    Now look at the was djed Ankh and the sceptre they used and you begin to see what they were doing!

    CHI is also called the life force. Once your able to find this within yourself you will be CHI capable. And it is also falls within the Schumann resonance frequency range. 5-50 Hz. Today the earth is at about 11hz and climbing. Your heartbeat is about 1.2 Hz

    The sun is about 50 gauss [about as strong as a frigdge magnet] the Earth 100 times less. The earths magnetic field has reduced by half over the last 6000 years.

    So there you have it folks. Some of us are just born that way, a curse in a way. So Jesus, not a God, but a son of man was CHI capable and naturally attuned to a higher state.

    The Magnetic Poet is not crazy at all you just haven't listened to what he says and applied it to yourself.

    Peace out my friends and reflect deeply!


  63. DieNowForPeace Says:

    It would take a magic trick for his fat-ass to land in the White House.

    Remember: The female voter always chooses looks over substance, or, at least that what they said about Shrub.


  64. glas Says:

    You honestly think that the shrub is attractive to women?


  65. IgnoranceIsNotBliss Says:

    Okay, that was funny. I just spewed liquid on my monitor. They really need to let us know when they are going to pull a funny.


  66. Zooey Says:

    You honestly think that the shrub is attractive to women?
    Comment by glas

    Ick.

    30%?


  67. Wayne Says:

    You honestly think that the shrub is attractive to women?
    Comment by glas

    Ick.
    -- Zooey

    lmao

    Now THAT was funny.


  68. Bluedog49 Says:

    Bush IS attractive to Jeff Gannon and Ted Haggard, though. You've got to give him that. And Josh Bolton collects photographs of Bush's hands, so I'm guessing Josh finds Bush attractive.


  69. Wayne Says:

    And Josh Bolton collects photographs of Bush’s hands, so I’m guessing Josh finds Bush attractive.
    ---- Bluedog49

    That is really creepy.
    Ick


  70. Karim Says:

    What a joke. Gingrich was always good for a laugh.


  71. Zooey Says:

    You’ve got to give him that. And Josh Bolton collects photographs of Bush’s hands, so I’m guessing Josh finds Bush attractive.
    Comment by Bluedog49

    I forgot about that! I second Wayne's "really creepy."


  72. Fools on the Hill Says:

    He wanted to declare world war three in September but, I don't see how that would have people running to him, unless he has some nuclear weapons stockpiled somewhere.


  73. Zooey Says:

    Maybe Newt has a really big and comfy bomb shelter.


  74. kasinca Says:

    That would be a guaranteed win for whomever the Democratic Party chooses to run. Newt is a complete fraud who sounds like Kermit the frog.


  75. Gregor Samsa Says:

    Newt Gingrich for president? Really?

    The twice-cheating, thrice-married, check-bouncing ethically challenged Gingrich represents all that is wrong with Republicans today: Hipocrisy.

    But at least Republicans will give up pretending they are the party of moral rectitude. Hopefully they will spare us all the sanctimony and pontification.

    Of course, we will still have to deal with the stubborn 30%ers, who will claim Gingrich is a "new man".


  76. John Gilpins Says:

    JOSH WOULD FIND GEORGE W. ATTRACTIVE IF HE HAD A BIG, UGLY MOUSTACHE LIKE HIS.

    When is Bolton going to shave that ugly shag carpeting under his nose? Josh, moustaches are sooooo '70s. Shag carpeting is sooooo '70s, too.

    Newt's a dreamer. Doesn't he realize that the BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE rule the world? Robin Leach changed the world forever. The Reagans changed the world forever. Most people can't make it in politics today unless they're at least a 6. Sadly, Abe Lincoln couldn't be elected today. Unfortunately, the world is focused on looks and Newt comes up short in the looks department.

    IN FACT, NEWT COME US UP SHORT IN MANY DEPARTMENTS.

    John


  77. glas Says:

    Actually John has the bi ugly stache Josh is the fellow with thhe hands.


  78. John Gilpins Says:

    Glas,

    No, John isn't the guy who's bi; John is the guy who's gay. It's not easy to come out of the closet, but I did many years ago. Closets are for clothes.

    Today, a stache on a gay guy, or a straight guy for that matter, is toooo '70s. Beards and goatees are okay. Staches--no. The Castro Street Clone look is about as much in fashion as TV evangelists having big hair and wearing bright, polyester suits.

    Josh must have a hands fetish. There's nothing wrong with that. Taking pictures of George's hands is a bit strange, though. Many people may not have a hands' fetish, but lots of people find other body parts attractive--legs, biceps, triceps, quads, perky breasts, and Jeff Gannon-ish parts.

    I was thumbing through Doro's book the other day--the book about her father. You know--Big daddy. I was mainly looking at the pictures. As far as I am concerned the book is pure fiction.

    I was very interested to see if Doro included one word about, Jennifer Fitzgerald. She did mention her name, but she steadfastly denied rumors of an affair. No surprises there! According to Doro, Big daddy and Babs had a wuuuuuuunderful marriage. Okay! Okay, if you say so. Many people don't say so. Remember Mary of CNN? Big daddy was hot under the collar then.

    One picture of George W. Bush did catch my eye. No, it most definitely wasn't his hands. Not at all! Not at all. Oddly enough, it's the picture with Billy and Ruth Graham. Let's just say George looks like he measures up in one department. I really don't know? Maybe he was excited to see, Billy Graham. I mean really, really, really, really excited to see Billy.

    Certainly Laura knows this "little" secret or "big" secret. Jeff Gannon knows. The former mayor of Chattanooga knows. This woman in Las Vegas knows. Lips' fraternity brothers know. I didn't know, though.

    APPARENTLY, THAT'S THE ONLY DEPARTMENT GEORGE MEASURES UP IN. Maybe that's George's problem. His blood is probably heading south instead of going north, and his brain is being deprived of much-needed blood.

    Turkey today tomorrow for the biggest turkey of them all--George W. Bush.

    John


  79. Tim Says:

    Never seen such a short sentence reek of so much egomania before ... go for it Salimander ... you're one hot little reptile.



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