Think Progress

Blackwater: putting the ‘mercy back in mercenary.’

UPDATE: Politico has now removed this story from its site, unable to verify the authenticity of the press release.

Today, Blackwater plans to unveil a new Corporate Integrity Department, responding to “a need to defend its corporate name and clear up its public image.” The new head of integrity, Kitty Laver — who has “20 years’ experience in public relations and corporate responsibility” — said that her job is “to put the mercy back in mercenary.” In another effort at superficial image restoration, Blackwater recently redesigned its infamous logo to be “far less ‘kick your butt’ and much more ‘quarterly report.’”

UPDATE II: Politico now reports that the press release was a “hoax” by Code Pink.

UPDATE III: Noah Shachtman discovers the marketing of the “Blackwater Special Edition” pistol.



53 Responses to “Blackwater: putting the ‘mercy back in mercenary.’

  1. Shayne says:

    It’s like putting perfume on a pig.


  2. bob h says:

    more like trying to sell peanuts from my own defacation


  3. Leftside Annie says:

    Oh, great.

    Blackwater to Iraqis: We’ll say a prayer after we shoot you in the head.


  4. missmolly says:

    Wouldn’t it be easier to just stop blowing away civilians?


  5. Theresa says:

    Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…


  6. Chocolate Jesus says:

    >said that her job is “to put the mercy back in mercenary.”

    hahahahah! wow….yet another butchery of the english language thanks to some rightwing retard. bigfoot should appreciate this intellectually challenged slogan. it basically equivocates two totally different words simply because they share a similar spelling.

    totally great for the “iran? iraq? kill em all and let god spell them properly” crowd.

    but I admit, I’m just one of those effete, elite snobs in the pocket of big vocabulary.


  7. MCMetal says:

    Isn’t “black water” just another name for sludge ?

    How appropo ………..


  8. Geekfather says:

    You can roll a turd in powdered sugar but that still don’t make it a jelly donut.


  9. Menehune says:

    When Blackwater starts spinning this fast, you end up with a giant sucking whirlpool. Steer clear, folks!


  10. Chocolate Jesus says:

    i like the Daily Show suggestion for the new Blackwater Slogan better “Guns don’t people…we do.. for money”

    Why don’t we have our own little contest to see who can come up with the more appropriate slogan for Blackwater?

    Anyone game? Post them here and cc them to:

    media@blackwaterusa.com
    http://www.blackwaterusa.com/contact/


  11. TripMaster Monkey says:

    BLACKWATER

    “We’re here for your protection. No, really.”


  12. lefty says:

    Republicans will never return to power until they learn that they have to ACTUALLY SOLVE PROBLEMS instead of thinking that the solution is yet another p.r./marketing/propaganda campaign.


  13. Yamara says:

    There’s never been any “mercy” in “mercenary”. But you knew that.

    mercenary (n.)
    c.1386, “one who works only for hire,” from L. mercenarius “one who does anything for pay,” lit. “hired, paid,” from merces (gen. mercedis) “pay, reward, wages,” from merx (see market). The adj. is recorded from 1532.

    Online Etymology Dictionary


  14. nffcnnr says:

    “to put the mercy back in mercenary.” OMG, i thought TP was making a joke, but now that i see she actually said that…wow. That is gonna be her trademark until she gets fired in a couple months [if not sooner]. Holy crap is she dumb.


  15. penalcolony says:

    So now the Sunday talk shows will have ads showing Blackwater mercs breast-feeding Iraqi kids. [SIGH] . . .


  16. Chocolate Jesus says:

    I must admit I’m at a loss for slogans at the moment but think Blackwater needs some bumper stickers that say things like:

    1) “if your close enough to read this, your about to die”

    2) “my other car just crushed your grandmother”

    3) “dont like my driving? dial 1-800-IM ABOUT-TO-BLOW-YOUR-CHILDS-BRAINS-INTO-THE-DASHBOARD”


  17. Chocolate Jesus says:

    >We’re here for your protection.

    reminds me of robocop… what is that looped statement the malfunctioning andriod kept repeating to the guy who dropped his firearm before it blew him away anyway…


  18. Chocolate Jesus says:

    >Online Etymology Dictionary

    sssh.. dont let bigfoot know your in the pocket of Big Vocabulary…


  19. Zimzone says:

    Blackwater:

    Let us be your condom in this dangerous world’.


  20. TripMaster Monkey says:

    Blackwater: putting the ‘mercy back in mercenary.’ UPDATE: Politico has now removed this story from its site, unable to verify the authenticity of the press release.

    It’s still up at CBS news…


  21. barfly says:

    The Politico didn’t first verify the press release?

    There’s a medium-sized hit to their credibility. Mike Allen left Time to work for these Bozos?

    Smooth career move, Mike.


  22. Zimzone says:

    or,

    ‘Killing people here so we don’t have to back home’.


  23. barfly says:

    “It’s still up at CBS news…”

    Not exactly.

    CBS’ story now makes no mention of Kitty Laver.

    And they got it from Politico.


  24. missmolly says:

    Republicans will never return to power until they learn that they have to ACTUALLY SOLVE PROBLEMS instead of thinking that the solution is yet another p.r./marketing/propaganda campaign.

    Comment by lefty — October 30, 2007 @ 11:58 am

    And they don’t even see just how Dilbertesque this approach is. Never mind fixing production and/or delivery problems — anything can be solved by marketing.

    Even if the “problems” are causing innocent people to die.


  25. Chocolate Jesus says:

    heres a few more:

    “Blackwater, when you absolutely, postively have to commit war crimes on time”

    “we’ve never met an Iraqi we don’t love (to use for target practice)”

    “Blackwater, making the world safe for war”

    “we kill em and bill em”

    “peace is for pussies and poor people”


  26. Shayne says:

    Blackwater, we kill you quickly so you don’t have to die slowly.


  27. texaslady says:

    After getting over a billion $ in contracts with the US over six years Blackwater really could afford a little mercy.

    It is so incestuous in Washington, Erik Prince’s wife is Jeb Bush’s sister-in-law. Cheney’s daughters all have high paying jobs in government departments. Talk about being on the dole.

    And Bush begrudges insurance for the working poor children, go figure.


  28. The Republic of Stupidity says:

    Blackwater, putting the “gun” back in argument…


  29. Shayne says:

    Killing people here so we don’t have to back home’.

    Comment by Zimzone — October 30, 2007 @ 12:11 pm

    or

    Killing people here, practicing for when we get back home.


  30. TripMaster Monkey says:

    <pedant>

    “deterrance” in the above lede should be “deterrence”.

    </pedant>


  31. Shayne says:

    Sounds like Kitty (really a woman calls herself Kitty in 2007) embarassed herself with her dumb comment and now she’s threatening to have Blackwater employees shoot somebody if they don’t remove her statement.


  32. Shayne says:

    Blackwater, putting the “gun” back in argument…

    Comment by The Republic of Stupidity — October 30, 2007 @ 12:15 pm

    This one had me laughing out loud TRoS, and that is so embarassing.


  33. Leftside Annie says:

    Blackwater: Got murder?


  34. Dumb_Fox says:

    Blackwater, putting the “gun” back in argument…

    Comment by The Republic of Stupidity — October 30, 2007 @ 12:15 pm

    Take a bow.


  35. Wayne says:

    BLACKWATER

    “We’re here for your protection. No, really.”

    Comment by TripMaster Monkey — October 30, 2007 @ 11:58 am

    hehe
    good one…


  36. Chocolate Jesus says:

    >and now she’s threatening to have
    > Blackwater employees shoot somebody

    NO WAY! An organization that counter-sued families of their dead employees for 10 million dollars for having the audacity to try and hold them accountable for thier actions? Say it ain’t so.

    Am I the only person that gets the serious, serious creeps looking at Prince? THis guy is radiating some multi-generational, methulsian negative energy, big time…personally, my own perception is he’s more of a malevolent entity thatn those of the bigger players..the only one thats even come close to creeping me out that much is cheney


  37. Pete Bogs says:

    we’ve been punk’d!


  38. texaslady says:

    #36 There is so much money behind the players in the Bush/Cheney dictatorship. If you have time and can take a look at how many millionaire billionaires all put money into this bunch. And how can the average public combat that much money and power?

    It amazes me tho that these people want to live on this planet and where do they think they will go when it has been destroyed by war?


  39. sherifffruitfly says:

    Have you learned your lesson about drudgico yet?


  40. Proud American Liberal says:

    her job is “to put the mercy back in mercenary.”

    Mercenary = hired killer

    Where is the mercy in that?


  41. Chocolate Jesus says:

    oh it was a hoax by evil Code Pink… next thing you know they’ll be forging uranium documents!

    I still say our slogan contest should continue and be submitted to Blackwater!


  42. nffcnnr says:

    i got “pinked.” Well done, Code Pink. My hat’s off to you. i would like to see more of this type of civil disobedience. The outbursts during proceedings on Capitol Hill are tiresome, and do little to help the cause.


  43. TripMaster Monkey says:

    UPDATE III: Noah Shachtman discovers the marketing of the “Blackwater Special Edition” pistol.

    Features of the “Blackwater Special Edition” pistol include:

    * Extra rugged construction – ideal for pistol-whipping!

    * New micro-bead coating does not retain fingerprints, and makes cleanup of blood and gore a snap!

    * Hair-trigger assures you’ll get off your shot before the danger is even apparent!

    * Removable trigger guard makes the carnage that much faster!

    * Weapon comes already converted to full-auto – because we know you don’t have the time or energy to squeeze the trigger for every single round!

    * New patent-pending fast-release magazine lets you reload up to 40% faster (because let’s face it…you’re going to be doing a whole lot of reloading, given the hair trigger and full auto features)!

    * Removable sights make drawing your Blackwater Special Edition that much faster…and be honest…you don’t really do all that much aiming, now do you?

    * NEW in this edition, because you demanded it! Useless safety mechanism now replaced with MP3 player, so you can rock out to your death metal in style as you waste those filthy ragheads!

    Don’t wait! Send in the box tops from 10 MREs, along with $6.99 S&H ($6.67 CAD) to get your very own “Blackwater Special Edition” pistol!


  44. espo says:

    i love code pink.

    with the conservative-controlled media, this is what it now takes to get air-time.

    awesome…


  45. upright left says:

    It is so incestuous in Washington, Erik Prince’s wife is Jeb Bush’s sister-in-law. Cheney’s daughters all have high paying jobs in government departments. Talk about being on the dole.

    And Bush begrudges insurance for the working poor children, go figure.

    Comment by texaslady — October 30, 2007 @ 12:15 pm

    I hope you are referring to nepotism and just trying to make it sound worse than it is by calling it incest. It’s not limited to Republicans, nor is it new. ;)


  46. upright left says:

    >said that her job is “to put the mercy back in mercenary.”

    hahahahah! wow….yet another butchery of the english language thanks to some rightwing retard.
    Comment by Chocolate Jesus — October 30, 2007 @ 11:48 am

    Is that any way to talk about those silly pink ladies? ;)


  47. TRDaggett says:

    Blackwater edition pistol, no sights, no safety, and as TMM said a hair trigger. You got that right!

    What really sucks is that there are so many good employees working for Blackwater and the other private security firms who are lumped in with the loose cannons. As usual it’s the faulty leadership (and owners) that have set the bar so low and is backed up by the administration. This kind of blatant disregard has only gotten this far because it been condoned and possibly encouraged.

    Just remember, there are some decent honorable people working private security in Iraq (unless the decent ones were weeded out in some malevolent vetting process).


  48. TRDaggett says:

    49 sorry, is=are.. I should really re-read before posting. Where’s my coffee IV?


  49. katy says:

    expand your vocabulary!

    in·ces·tu·ous [...] –adjective
    [...]
    3. being so close or intimate as to prevent proper functioning: an incestuous relationship between organized crime and government.

    .

    fits, don’t it…
    .


  50. upright left says:

    expand your vocabulary!

    in·ces·tu·ous […] –adjective
    […]
    3. being so close or intimate as to prevent proper functioning: an incestuous relationship between organized crime and government.
    .

    fits, don’t it…
    .

    Comment by katy — October 30, 2007 @ 7:38 pm

    So you agree that it was just meant to make it sound worse by use of that word rather than the more commonly used “nepotism.” ;)


  51. rockyroad says:

    My Pink Butt

    Stick a sparkly “pink” woman in front of your nasty murdering ass.

    Any such woman with 20 years experience should realize that this will be the end of her career.

    But what’s a career? Blackwater drowns lives. Shat’s a career in the grand scheme of waterboarding, murdering civilians and just mayhem run amok?

    You guys are going to hell.

    I’m not even a bible beating Christian, but I know that:

    You guys are hell bent on taking the shortcut to hell.

    Color it pink . . .


  52. rockyroad says:

    That would be:

    What’s a career not Shat’s.

    Point being that Blackwater is even willing to sacrifice its own, eat its children so to speak, in order to screw the world, literally.

    Prince . . . You seem like a decent guy . . . but you are treading in dangerous territory. For better or worse, I suspect that your days are numbered.

    Mercenaries have never thrived. The USA was fairly well founded upon fears that mercenaries posed a particularly threatening problem for a free people. Your business modes is antitheticatical to our democracy. Our forefathers thought that through the Constitution, they had insulated and protected us from the likes of you. We weren’t sure. General Eisenhower recognized the problem and warned against the military industrial complex. Both the fears of our forefathers and General Eisenhower have been realized under Bush . . . a draft dodger and his cohorts, also beneficiaries of deferrments who have never experienced battle. They should read Flags of Our Fathers and imagine the impact of having your best friend’s head rolling down your back before sending another soldier into a disasterous war. These twits have no idea. Dub’ya, send your daughters to Iraq and then tell us how worthwhile this battle for oil is. Meanwhile, blow.


  53. rockyroad says:

    Ooh . . . shouldn’t have said “blow” . . . Know how hard you have tried to kick that habit.



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