Dallas hardware store offers Bush door greeter position.
By on Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Dallas hardware store offers Bush door greeter position.
Elliot’s Hardware — a local Dallas hardware store — has “appealed to former President George W. Bush to spend his new-found retirement working as a part-time greeter at its Maple Avenue store.” “Our greeters are a legendary part of our customer service,” said Kyle Walters, Elliott’s Hardware president and CEO. “And we are offering the position to Mr. Bush in all sincerity. We think it would be a great fit for him as he settles back into life in Dallas.” If he chooses to take the position, Bush will enjoy company perks such as “a flexible part-time schedule (to allow travel to Crawford),” a parking space, and an employee discount.
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Texas is weird.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:36 pmBush enjoyed a flexible part itme schedule, and a parkng space at his last job. And I don’t want to even get started on the employee discounts he took advantage of…
February 5th, 2009 at 5:36 pmyes it is hoodathunk, yes it is. can we give it back to Mexico yet?
February 5th, 2009 at 5:36 pmI would hate to see the stores other greeters is this is the type of person they are recruiting.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:36 pmcaption…
“At last, a job I’m qualified for…”
February 5th, 2009 at 5:37 pmFinally, a job George is truly suited for. All those years of failed businesses and failed presidency when he could have been glad-handing people at the hardware store. “Come on in and get your brush-cutting tools, folks!”
February 5th, 2009 at 5:38 pm**snort**
February 5th, 2009 at 5:39 pmHe would have to go to extensive training. I wonder if he would be required to wear a helmut.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:39 pmUpdate: Bush expresses interest in the position but the deal fell through when he insisted they hire Gonzo too. Apparently Elliot’s Hardware already had too many warped monkey wrenches in inventory.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:44 pmBobwurst, why would you think Mexico would want it back?
February 5th, 2009 at 5:44 pm“…perks such as “a flexible part-time schedule…”
This could fit in with a prison work release program.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:45 pmAre these stories coming to us from Bizarro Dimension? As I’ve pointed out before, Mark Twain said it best when he stated that the difference between fact and fiction was that fiction had to make sense.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:46 pmDay One — Bush’s first day as a greeter. Day two — Elliot’s Hardware Store financially collapses in ruin. Hmm. Coincidence. I think not.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:49 pmActually fiction had a higher degree of making sense. Smart people like to be challenged.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:51 pmAt last a position that isnt too intellectually challenging for him. He ought to jump on it.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:51 pmmy guess is that within weeks of bush accepting the position, the store will be a trillion dollars in debt. either that or they’ll launch an ill-advised attack on the nearest home depot.
February 5th, 2009 at 5:52 pmgood luck at your new gig, dubya.
“gotta refill the old coffers.”
• • •
February 5th, 2009 at 5:55 pmIs that not the best photo “Ever” of the decider?
February 5th, 2009 at 5:56 pmDoes he know how to work a door?
February 5th, 2009 at 5:59 pmElliot’s has a decent sense of humor for a bunch of Texans!! Loved NoMoreBush’s chronology above.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:01 pmAt least Bush knows a door from a window!
February 5th, 2009 at 6:03 pmGot any proof of that, Erkel?
February 5th, 2009 at 6:04 pmYes I believe he knows how to work those automatic doors. The pull or push ones get a little confusing for him.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:04 pmBush response:
February 5th, 2009 at 6:07 pm” I am interested to be ‘greater’…not ‘greeter”.
Bush would be a complete failure at being a door greeter, also.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:09 pmErkelTheUsurper Says:
At least Bush knows a door from a window!
You are absolutely correct, although not the way you envision. Bush knew the window of opportunity for him and his PNAC and oil buddies in Iraq. But he didn’t have any clue about the door for an exit.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:10 pmHow about basket weaving in a home for the mentally challenged instead?
February 5th, 2009 at 6:12 pmThe only thing he knows about doors is the sensation of being hit in the a$$ by the door of the white house on his way out.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:13 pmAt least Bush knows a door from a window!
Hmm, read this one again Erkel and see if this is quite the zinger you hoped it would be… this is the kind of comment that people make when someone is recovering from a stroke… ‘Bush may have no higher brain function at the moment but at least he knows a door from a window!”
Most people know a door from a window at a fairly young age… is this the lowest bar ever for the Decider?
Also, interestingly- those heroes of Southern Independence and your fellow television stars, the Duke Brothers of Hazard County didn’t…
February 5th, 2009 at 6:13 pmSo maybe that’s a bigger deal in the South than it is up here…
rimhotep,
Why do you hate the mentally challenged? And baskets?
February 5th, 2009 at 6:13 pmLet us get real. The Shrub taking a job as a door greeter.
The Shrub figuring he needs to take any job.
This is a man who has never held a job in his life.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pmHoodathunk Says:
Texas is weird.
This Understatement is Proven once again, in this tragic story that was on NPR’s Morning Edition Today.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100249923
February 5th, 2009 at 6:16 pmErkel you worthless ignorant punk troll just shoot yourself you will be anything but disgustingly stupid and pathetic
February 5th, 2009 at 6:19 pmHello! Bush doesn’t know how to use a door, let alone greet anybody. Footage of him in China anyone????!
February 5th, 2009 at 6:20 pmWelcome to, to, to, umm, what’s the name of, where do I work again ?
February 5th, 2009 at 6:21 pmBush as door greeter: Howdy, door.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:22 pmBush should take this job as it would be good practice for him when he eventually greets visitors to his **cough** library. Some of the sections will be the same: Screws, Locks, Tools, Whitewash.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:26 pmBush took the job, got tranied and reported for duty in Mobile and never came back, but just put in for his retirement and bonus . . . .
February 5th, 2009 at 6:26 pmVery good, Zooey. Except I bet Bush would have a pet name for the door, something like “Swinger” maybe.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:28 pmDamn. PLC is always two steps ahead of me. ;)
February 5th, 2009 at 6:30 pmIf only the job offer was made nine or so years ago…
February 5th, 2009 at 6:39 pmWhere’s his reply?
February 5th, 2009 at 6:44 pmMeanwhile, Incurious George writes his memoirs.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:48 pmI’ll bet he can’t pass the drug test , if required
February 5th, 2009 at 6:53 pmBetcha if HR did a personality test on dumbya, they’d find the job as “greeter” perfectly suited for him.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:55 pmNo offense to any greeters here.
My first thought…?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
My second thought…?
I don’t think Dubbie has the skill set to fill this position.
February 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pmYEAH, HE SHOULD BE IN THE BAG FULL OF HAMMERS DEPARTMENT
February 5th, 2009 at 7:01 pm….sorry about the screaming….caps off now…;-)
February 5th, 2009 at 7:02 pmThe flexible schedule would be ideal for him — he could greet the days he isn’t hung over and still get the employee discount for tools, etc. He’s doing better than most folks in the US. He’s been offered a job.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:08 pmBWWWAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
O M F G !!!
I hope this hardware store realizes that if they do hire Bu$h, their business will surely go under!
BWAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA
February 5th, 2009 at 7:08 pmDo these people understand what they’d be getting? He rarely shows up for work, can’t stay focused, makes poor decisions, and is drunk most of the time these days.
Plus, they’d lose over 70% of their business.
Make a Bush doormat, and I’d consider wiping my feet on it.
PEACE
February 5th, 2009 at 7:13 pmWhat are his qualifications for the position?
February 5th, 2009 at 7:15 pmZooey Says:
Damn. PLC is always two steps ahead of me. ;)
Not true, Zooey. I just do my best improv with a partner. Your funnies give me inspiration.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:16 pmGeorge couldn’t even do this job right. I cringe at the thought of how badly he’s screw it up.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:17 pmAint going to happen (unfortunately. the unintentional comedy scale on this is thru the roof).
Bush hates to work.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:20 pmWith Bush’s record this guy might want to reconsider. However, if Bush does accept, and that sewage treatment plant in San Francisco is named after him, he will be well on his way to fame.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:33 pmA gift from the Gods! Miracle of Miracles! After years of anguish Bush finally finds his true calling. The ex President would be gleeful in his rightful element. As Greeter he would be helping people, young and old, find their way. And heck, he’d even get to play his ‘pull my finger’ joke for hours on end!
February 5th, 2009 at 7:40 pmThe flexible schedule would give him time to start drawing his memoirs.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:55 pmHe might even get a employee discount on the crayons…
February 5th, 2009 at 7:57 pm(n)
February 5th, 2009 at 7:58 pmhey, if that guy wants to piss his money away, let him.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:58 pmHow much business are they willing to lose? Could he pass a background check because of his criminal activities? Would the secret service be paid with part of his salary, or would we still have to pay it? Is he qualified for this position? If it were Walmart, he would have to get health care from Medicaid as all the rest do.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:35 pmC’mon, fess up. it was walmart since we all know they try to hire the mentally challenged to be their “greeters”
February 5th, 2009 at 8:40 pmWe think it would be a great fit for him
And I have to disagree.
The article states that the store in question “is known for its helpful customer service”.
Clearly George Bush cannot, by any measure, be a fit.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:00 pmGreat idea.
Maybe former President Bush can work off the exploding federal debt he’s left our nation, kind of like a work-furlough position for people in prison, with former President Bush working as a greeter but turning over his paycheck to our federal government.
It may take a few years, but if Cheney, Rove, Addington, Libby and the whole gang of former Republican White House staff chip in and help Bush in his work-furlough greeter work, then they might make a dent eventually, repaying all the federal tax dollars they stole.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:05 pmGiven his past experience, if this job falls through, there’s always the possibility that the Dallas Cowboys might need another cheerleader. A marriage made in heaven?
February 5th, 2009 at 9:12 pmUh Oh sombody just started a war out in the parking lot
February 5th, 2009 at 9:56 pmElliot’s Hardware will go out of business within three weeks.
February 5th, 2009 at 10:02 pmUnless the greeter hands out beers, or attempts to convince shoppers of the grave threat of a U.S.-military-free Iraq, I don’t really see this as a great fit.
February 5th, 2009 at 10:09 pmElliot’s has been around forever and is a fabulous hardware store. They are beloved and won’t be going out of business.
I had no idea the owners have a great sense of humor!
February 5th, 2009 at 10:10 pmYa Zooey, I got proof.
February 5th, 2009 at 10:13 pmThe picture where the so-called president looked like Hellen Keller trying to go through a window at the WH! Ha, ha what a doofuss!
I was joking about going out of business. Though if they did this…
February 5th, 2009 at 10:15 pmHey EugeneDebs:
And yet your rage, anxiety and frustration make me smile!
February 5th, 2009 at 10:23 pmI once observed Bush on television reading a speech off of another 3×5 index card, he then walked away from the podium, attempted to open two lock doors and then had that frozen stupid look like, “What the hell do I do now!”
You see my republican kool aid drinking countrymen, if Bush is so lucky as to get hired for the doorman job, it will be just one more thing that he has failed at in his little world. I think he has embarassed himself and the nation enough. George in the words of hard working decent American citizens, please, just go away, better yet go on a quail hunt with VP Dick Cheney, you two can talk tough like chickenhawks always do, and then shoot each other in the face. 147
February 5th, 2009 at 11:20 pmWho in their right mind would select ErkelTheUsurper as a screen name? Might ErkelTheUsurper be willing to explain this?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:33 pmYea, but who is going to “mind the President” to make sure he doesn’t go running around peeing on everyone?
By the way, I live part-time in Dallas, and people living in the McMansions can take down the stupid “Welcome Home, George and Laura!” signs. We get it… We get the fact you did real well under him… its the rest of us that got screwed, so do us a favor and stick those signs you know where!
February 6th, 2009 at 12:08 amSLNR, the professional Solar Panel manufacturer
February 6th, 2009 at 12:10 amOkay, one more time for the Texas bashers who apparently rode the comedy short-bus. A little trash talk is to be expected but try digging deep and being a tad clever next time. Or at least show some marble and post your hometown. (if you lie you’ll die the thousand deaths of a coward) Remember the Bush cancer may have got its start here, but your state helped take it viral.
So blame the whore, not the whorehouse.
By the way, Elliot’s is one of the finest hardware stores imaginable. Each department has the appropriate craftsman, tradesman or expert working the isles. I’d hate it if shrub took the job, I’d have to call ahead.
And its not in the “Gay” part of Dallas, it’s in the MoTown historical district adjacent to Lance’s Leather Lounge & Tom Thumbelina’s House of Sandalwood.
February 6th, 2009 at 12:30 amNoMoreBush Says:
Day One — Bush’s first day as a greeter. Day two — Elliot’s Hardware Store financially collapses in ruin. Hmm. Coincidence. I think not. Day three–the U.S. secedes from Texas.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:12 amPLC, you’re on a roll tonight–love it!
February 6th, 2009 at 1:16 amWAYNEBRO Says:
What are his qualifications for the position?
What were his qualification for his LAST position?
February 6th, 2009 at 1:18 amGo get ‘em, Porgie. As a former Texan, I do get tired of the lame-ass jokes after a while.
Wanna drop off at the Sodium Shop?
February 6th, 2009 at 1:22 am.
What, Walmart’s not hiring?
.
February 6th, 2009 at 1:49 amBush will enjoy company perks such as … a parking space, and an employee discount.
And lots of free shoes, too, I betcha!
February 6th, 2009 at 2:23 amI wonder how many ways Bush can Cheney-up this assignment also? Too bad he can’t be their cheerleader. We know he can handle that.
February 6th, 2009 at 10:44 amDubya is one ugly idiot.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:48 pm‘The Doorkeep’
Dubya the doorkeeper stood tall with pride and smiled as he greeted visitors to Elliot’s Hardware store.
As the ‘doorkeep’ (as he was found of calling himself), he was also in charge of guiding, directing and generally setting the strategery of the cartboys (um cartpersons) as they went about their daily collection chores.
Looking down to his left, Dubya gazed deep into the wide eyes of the new cartperson who knelt by his side. His facial twitch and slight drool gave him a stupid yet pathetic look that was expected and yet endearing Dubya thought to himself.
As the new one looked up at Dubya in eager anticipation, his shiney new name tag, orange vest and sneakers showed that this one was ready and was not to be misunderestimated.
Dubya peered through the downpour across the rain-drenched parking lot and spied a single stray cart. ‘Hot-damn’, he thought. And with a little pat on the head, Dubya encouraged the skinny one with a “well, …go get’er!”.
As the skinny one leaped into action, fetched the cart and headed with pride back to the wise one, Dubya hollered “now, ya’all look out fer the cars and…”, but before he could finish his mission Dubya heard the sounds of honking horns and busting glass and a sickening ‘thump’… then another, …and another.
Dubya surveyed the scene from his dry covering, lowered and gently shook his head once and was heard to whisper – “dumbass”.
Well, legend lives on – of this new one and of the contribution he made. To this day, visitors say that if you look real close at the orange speedbump in front of Elliot’s Hardware store you can see what looks to be a name tag. And on that name tag is etched… ‘barry’.
The end.
p.s.: Joey, the next cartboy in the line of succession, returned the Safeway cart to it’s rightful owner.
February 7th, 2009 at 1:35 pmAmericans feeling pinch of high food cost. Lost work. Being made a laughing stock around the globe. Parents visiting graves of their children in all towns big and small. Thank you for giving THIS Greedy old idiot decending from White house to Dallas a part-time, plus peaks job. Don’t forget to give him monthly bonus also.
Get a life! THIS shoe attracting magnet is already bleeding honest tax payers of $192,000 a year + benifits!…. yes take a job from an old retiree who is unable to pay for medicare suplimental plans B, C, and D. Great move!!
Trust me when I say this. I’m not going to be coming to hell to visit you!
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