Real Housewives of Atlanta Gets Soapy with Relationship Issues

Thanks and congratulations to Alyssa, who is, I hope, taking a break from unpacking and having a drink in her brand new pad.

Soap operas are on the decline (I mourn for all my older aunts who are losing their “stories”), but reality TV is just as reliable for cartoonish drama and stormy romantic relationships. And Real Housewives of Atlanta has some of the most ridiculous relationship situations. I’m not even talking about Gregg and Nene yet. I’m saving that mess for last.

After watching last night, I don’t know which group is more delusional: the women or the men. With very few exceptions, everyone on this show seems to have some therapy-grade issues with the opposite sex: Kim’s loosening ties to Big Papa (and her recently revealed pregnancy); Phaedra and the faint distaste she treats her husband Apollo with; Cynthia and her strangely low-key attitude toward her upcoming wedding.

Cynthia’s fiancé Peter is adorable–and you can tell he genuinely loves her. But it seems like Cynthia’s made a decision to stop putting off singlehood instead of starting a new life with someone. And I know every bride is different–some women obsess about the wedding so much they momentarily stop focusing on the marriage, and maybe that’s the deal with Cynthia. But I’m going to be pissed if she breaks Peter’s heart. (And what is up with her friend? Is he getting married?)

Watching Kim walk into a jewelry store to get her daughter an abstinence ring was both a pleasant and sad surprise. I know plenty of women who had children young and still managed to set a decent example for their daughters…but I don’t know that Kim is one of them. And Phaedra’s whole outlook on motherhood is…disconcerting. Poor Apollo and Ayden (Adonis, though?) are in my prayers. “We’ll see how this turns out”? Phaedra didn’t buy movie tickets, she had a child. That poor little boy. And Sheree and Tai-Bo or whatever the hell his name is…he might not be a PhD, but he needs to seek help. “Sometimes women just need to shut up?” Child, bye.

Then…there’s Nene and Gregg. Real talk: I love my husband fiercely. But if I heard him describing me as a bad investment—on the radio—he and I would have a misunderstanding. That reading she gave him at the end of the episode was the least of what he deserved—his shockingly cold response warranted more than a raised voice. And was I the only person who was a little shocked that Nene found out about the radio interview online? Why didn’t one of her friends tell her? We watched them all listen to the recording. Nobody thought it would be a good idea to give her a heads-up?

Most of us will have to deal with breakups, anxiety about new babies, raising teens, and wedding stress. Very few of us will make those events as ridiculously dramatic as the women of RHOA. But that’s why I watch—if I can’t have my stories, I’ll take this.