Big Winner

Ladies and gentlemen, in the contest for movie that is simultaneously grossly, sexistly unfunny, most condescending to the audience, and most bemused with its own low-level naughtiness, we have a new leading contender! Namely, Bad Teacher (trailer is red band, watch with your headphones in if at work, around people with any semblance of taste):

Justin Timberlake is actually funny. Cameron Diaz is actually a wonderful dizzy blonde with one of the sweetest smiles in show business. Phyllis Smith is a coy, sly riot. Jason Segel knows how to imbue patheticness with profound meaning. I say all of this because of how easy it is to forget these things after watching that horrifying two minutes.

Also, not to be super-moralistic, but this is just spectacularly, humorlessly crass. Diaz’s character is a totally hideous person, and not in a way that’s remotely interesting or illuminating. There is not much left to say about a hot woman who doesn’t want to work, and sees breast implants as her best step towards that goal, other than to be disgusted by her. Treating kids like this is not actually entertaining: it’s ugly and callous. Everyone in this movie appears to be a singularly wretched person. We already have an utterly fantastic movie about a wildly irresponsible teacher that was simultaneously funny, sweet, and intelligent. It’s called School of Rock.