Mitt Romney Might Not Be A Redneck

Yesterday, Blue Collar Comedy front man Jeff Foxworthy endorsed former Wall Street investment banker Mitt Romney for president, and announced that he plans to campaign with him at several events in Alabama and Mississippi. In honor of this occasion, we’d like to suggest several Foxworthy-appropriate jokes for the campaign trail:

• If your wife drives “a couple of Cadillacs,” you might not be a redneck.
• If you think $374,000 in speaking fees is “not very much” money, you might not be a redneck.
• If your tax return is 203 pages long, you might not be a redneck.
• If you think it’s a problem that billionaires aren’t allowed to give you all the money they want, you might not be a redneck.
• If your earliest memories include looking down upon the people of New York from a helipad with your CEO father, you might not be a redneck.
• If you think “cheesy grits” from a Hilton hotel is down home southern cooking, you might not be a redneck.
• If you only hunt “small varmints, if you will,” you might not be a redneck.
• If you help your son set up a business by fronting him $10 million, you might not be a redneck.
• If the business is named after the place where your “ski mansion” is located, you might not be a redneck.
• If you’re not a NASCAR fan, but you’ve got “some great friends that are NASCAR team owners,” you might not be a redneck.
• If you’ve ever made a ten thousand dollar bet, you might not be a redneck.
• If you earn more money in a day than most people earn in a year, you might not be a redneck.
• If you’re 65 years old and are just now learning to say “y’all,” you might not be a redneck.
• If you invest in Dollar stores instead of shopping at them, you might not be a redneck.
• If you think “corporations are people, my friend,” you might not be a redneck.
• If you think the richest 0.1 percent of Americans need another $264,000 tax cut, you might not be a redneck.
• If you think seniors can get by just fine without the promise of Medicare, you might not be a redneck.
• And, finally, if you’ve ever posed with your co-workers for this kind of picture,
  
  it’s a pretty good bet that you’re not a redneck.