Chuck Lorre’s Vanity Cards And Hollywood Mediocrity

One of the weirdest things about writing about mainstream film and television is constantly glimpsing the gap between the values in the work that many (though emphatically not all) writers and directors produce, and the values that they themselves hold. I was particularly struck by this reading today that Chuck Lorre held back vanity cards–the logos shown at the end of television episodes that Lorre often uses as editorial space–that directly commented on the presidential election from this week’s episode of Two and a Half Men. Instead, he told viewers to look for the card on the internet, where this statement appeared:

What does it say about us when we are simultaneously pro-life and pro AK-47′s? What does it say about us when God’s will would allow a rapist to ask for shared custody and child support payments? What does it say about us when a black guy’s in charge and we say things like “it’s time to take America back”? What does it say about us when we think the institution of marriage is threatened by gay people who love each other, but not by idiotic game shows like “The Bachelor”? What does it say about us when we export democracy with Hellfire missiles, then restrict the right to vote here? What does it say about us when we build nuclear submarines to defend against exploding vests? What does it say about us when we think a guy who doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, keeps his money offshore, stubs his toe and says “H-E-double hockey sticks” and wears magical underwear can feel our pain? What does it say about us when we demand less government and more FEMA? What does it say about us when we completely forgot the colossal shit storm we were in four years ago? The answer, my friends, is not blowing in the wind. The answer is, “We are fucking crazy.”

Now, I’m not into Mormon-bashing, which is an unfortunate thing a lot of liberals have fallen into during this election cycle. But it’s kind of fascinating to see Lorre go straight for the nuances of, say, the rape and abortion debate. This is a guy who could make literally any television show he wanted, and any network would want to buy it. I kind of want to know what his dream show that reflects his values looks like. Because Depressed Womanizing Ashton Kutcher kind of seems like a comedown.