Forecasters Warn Sharknado Will Hit Manhattan In 2014. Where’s Your Resiliency Plan Now, Mayor Bloomberg?

If you thought this nation would see only one sharknado in your lifetime, you obviously have not been paying attention to either climate scientists or twitter. Experts at the SyFy channel say — with a certainty rarely found in year-ahead weather forecasts — that a tornado filled with sharks will hit Manhattan in 2014.

You may recall what Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York said when Superstorm Sandy followed so quickly after Superstorm Irene, “Climate change is real…. each of these situations is a once in a lifetime. There is a 100 year flood every two years now. It’s inarguable that the sea is warmer and that there is a changing weather pattern, and the time to act is now. ”

Imagine what Cuomo will say in 2014 after Manhattan is hit by only the second known sharknado. For those cave-dwelling climate preppers without cable, let me remind you how the media describes the first sharknado:

… the ecological nightmare caused by global warming triggers a freak weather system that results in a mega tornado choc-a-block with angry sharks who sail through the air attacking innocent children and blondes, and causing to be uttered such lines as “they took my grandfather, so I really hate sharks.”

As one renowned climatologist told me, “This is what climate change looks like … on TV.”

A leading climate denier said, “Alarmists blame every freak weather event on climate change. Now it’s sharknados, tomorrow it’ll be ElectricEel-icanes.”

Climate advocates immediately criticized New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg for not including sharknados in his resiliency plan. This despite the fact that the city was terrorized by land sharks not that long ago.

11 Responses to Forecasters Warn Sharknado Will Hit Manhattan In 2014. Where’s Your Resiliency Plan Now, Mayor Bloomberg?

  1. prokaryotes says:

    Sixth Movie-Plot Threat Contest Winner

    It’s November 2015 and the United Nations Climate Change Conference (UNCCC) is underway in Amsterdam, Netherlands. Over the past year, ocean level rise has done permanent damage to critical infrastructure in Maldives, killing off tourism and sending the economy into freefall. The Small Island Developing States are demanding immediate relief from the Green Climate Fund, but action has been blocked. Conspiracy theories flourish. For months, the rhetoric between developed and developing countries has escalated to veiled and not-so-veiled threats. One person in elites of the Small Island Developing States sees an opportunity to force action.

    He’s Sayyid Abdullah bin Yahya, an Indonesian engineer and construction magnate with interests in Bahrain, Bangladesh, and Maldives, all directly threatened by recent sea level rise. Bin Yahya’s firm installed industrial control systems on several flood control projects, including in the Maldives, but these projects are all stalled and unfinished for lack of financing. He also has a deep, abiding enmity against Holland and the Dutch people, rooted in the 1947 Rawagede massacre that killed his grandfather and father. Like many Muslims, he declared that he was personally insulted by Queen Beatrix’s gift to the people of Indonesia on the 50th anniversary of the massacre – a Friesian cow. “Very rude. That’s part of the Dutch soul, this rudeness”, he said at the time. Also like many Muslims, he became enraged and radicalized in 2005 when the Dutch newspaper Jyllands-Posten published cartoons of the Prophet.

    Of all the EU nations, Holland is most vulnerable to rising sea levels. It has spent billions on extensive barriers and flood controls, including the massive Oosterscheldekering storm surge barrier, designed and built in the 80s to protect against a 10,000-year storm surge. While it was only used 24 times between 1986 and 2010, in the last two years the gates have been closed 46 times.

    As the UNCCC conference began in November 2015, the Oosterscheldekering was closed yet again to hold off the surge of an early winter storm. Even against low expectations, the first day’s meetings went very poorly. A radicalized and enraged delegation from the Small Island Developing States (SIDS) presented an ultimatum, leading to denunciations and walkouts. “What can they do – start a war?” asked the Dutch Minister of Infrastructure and the Environment in an unguarded moment. There was talk of canceling the rest of the conference.

    Overnight, there are a series of news stories in China, South America, and United States reporting malfunctions of dams that resulted in flash floods and death of tens or hundreds people in several cases. Web sites associated with the damns were all defaced with the text of the SIDS ultimatum. In the morning, all over Holland there were reports of malfunctions of control equipment associated with flood monitoring and control systems. The winter storm was peaking that day with an expected surge of 7 meters (22 feet), larger than the Great Flood of 1953. With the Oosterscheldekering working normally, this is no worry. But at 10:43am, the storm gates unexpectedly open.

  2. Omega Centauri says:

    Nothing to fear. Simply drop improvised propane bombs from a helicopter and any Sharknado instantly dies. Make sure to have your nets out, as a heavy shower of sharks ensues.

    Heck, with enough Sharknados we’ll never run out of seafood.

  3. Brian Smith says:

    My daughter in Brooklyn is very concerned the Mayor may not be able to protect her from Sharknados. But there is also fear in the neighborhood that the next attack may actually come from a “Snarknado”, a whirlwind of jabbering, snarky denialists that could last for months or years.

  4. rollin says:

    Never happen, most of the sharks are dead. Maybe jellyfishnado.

  5. Vic says:

    I’m told that sharks can still be found around the Great Barrier Reef if you know where to look. It might be a suitable place for a few practice runs to prove up and perfect your weaponry systems before the big event.

  6. Mulga Mumblebrain says:

    If these marine predators end up on Wall Street, they won’t stand a chance. That’s where the real sharks operate.

  7. SecularAnimist says:

    A tornado full of sharks is all well and good as SyFy fodder, but how about a tornado wrapped around a wormhole — a rip in the fabric of space-time — that sucks people and even buildings into its funnel cloud and spits them out into another dimension?

    Now that would make a great movie.

  8. Jim Speiser says:

    WHAT IS THE FASCINATION WITH “SHARKNADO”??? SyFy channel churns out a half-baked, lame-ass, mediocre “original film” practically every month, featuring dinosaur/alligators, giant snakes, hyperactive bees, what have you. Why in the world did THIS one get so much press? Everywhere I turn, I hear “Sharknado! Sharknado! Sharknado!” ….Don’t tell me it was actually good??

  9. DarthVader says:

    He, he. And those sharks even eat eachother.

  10. Chris says:

    It was not good, it was great. If it was in the theaters, there would be Oscar buzz.

  11. Chris Winter says:

    I haven’t seen Sharknado so I could be wrong, but it’s probably long on action and short on sense.

    For one thing, if there were a storm that could pull sharks out of the ocean and carry them over land, most of them would be dead by that point and those that were not would soon expire. So a realistic movie would be more about cleaning up smelly corpses. It might better be titled “Sharcremation.”

    Now me, the movie I’m waiting for is Elephantyphoon. It wouldn’t be the massive animals themselves that’s the threat, but rather their “metabolic product.” The movie would be full of it.