"SOTU: Sexing Mutombo"
George W. Bush is a very bad president. He manages to screw up the simplest things. For example, he gave a big speech last night in praise of Houston Rockets backup center Dikembe Mutombo, formerly a star with the Denver Nuggets and the Atlanta Hawks and an integral component of the Philadelphia 76ers team that made it to the NBA Finals back in the day. It was a good move since Mutombo is, obviously, more than worthy of praise. Somehow, though, Bush managed to miss the most salient facts. Mutombo is actually leading the league in rebound rate, pulling down an insane 23.6 percent of missed shots while on the floor.
This while he’s forty years old. The shocking thing is that the stellar performances this season of Mutombo and fellow ex-star turned backup Alonzo Mourning could arguably be dragooned into an argument about the need to raise the Social Security retirement age. Alternatively, one could simply contemplate the unfairness of Mutombo and Mourning being allocated to two of the very few teams who actually have top-notch starting centers. Certainly after watching Brendan Haywood repeatedly fail to throw it down during the Wizards sorry, sorry first quarter tonight, I’m wishing we had either of those guys.
UPDATE: If I were president, I would have taken the opportunity to note that whatever shotcomings Dwane Casey may have as a coach firing him is hardly going to get at the root — cough, McHale, cough — of Minnesota’s problems. Indeed, I think Bush ought to call for the Wolves-Bulls trade that would give Kevin Garnett the shot at championship contention he so richly deserves.