Pat Boone’s America.

The right-wing Heritage Foundation held an event this week with “soul singer turned conservative evangelist” Pat Boone. Boone warned of the “new order of Armageddon,” and spoke of the “malaise and apathy of today’s youth. Tears began to fall as Boone lamented: ‘It grieves me the way young entertainers are deriding our leaders.’” He also announced he has written an anthem for the National Guard since “Nelly, Eminem and Diddy and Piddy and Poopy and whoever the other rappers are” had not.