Best BP jokes

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"Best BP jokes"

More BP jokes welcome!

“Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.” — Jay Leno

“Bad news, it’s going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps.” “”David Letterman

There’s certainly plenty of grim news from the Gulf.  Here are some of the best jokes I’ve seen (culled from a longer list):

“We’re still dropping things on it. This is like if your toilet overflowed and you tried to fix it by smashing it with a brick. Their next idea is to get the old lady from Titanic and she’s going to throw her jewelry at it.” “”Bill Maher, on the oil spill in the Gulf

“Dick Cheney’s pals at Halliburton “¦ say they’re going to do the underwater cement job to plug the hole. I thought, wait a minute, this is a mistake. Underwater cement? You call the mafia. Am I right?” “”David Letterman

“Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks.” “”Jimmy Fallon

“BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20.” “”Jay Leno

“I love this. On the news today, the CEO of British Petroleum says he believes the overall environmental impact of this oil spill will be very, very modest. Yeah. If you live in England!” -Jay Leno

“This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded.” “”David Letterman

“They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip.” “”David Letterman

More BP jokes welcome — but please, just the funny ones!

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13 Responses to Best BP jokes

  1. mike roddy says:

    Here’s a joke (slightly OT): Andy Revkin’s link on the “Alarmist” highlight to a debate between you and Morano that a libertarian magazine “American Thinker” claims to have been easily won by Mr. Climate Depot himself.

    http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/07/02/sorting-out-climate-camps/

    Michael Tobis comments on this thread that Andy has become the arch villain Two Face in the Batman comics- he flips a coin every morning to determine if he’s a voice for good or evil.

    [JR: Yeah, it is disappointing what DotEarth has turned into, when Revkin would link to an American Thinker piece in that way. I don’t, however, like Tobis’ dividing this up between “a voice for good or evil.” I will be doing a post on this shortly, but as I’ve said many times, the distinction is between those who spread information and those who spread disinformation — and those who enable he former or the latter.]

  2. greg Bowdish says:

    One method the Coast Guard is using to control the spill is to set it on fire. This is proving to be a boon to the seafood industry as now all the seafood is will be deep fried in oil before it is caught!

    New Orleans has a new nickname. From here on out, instead of “The Big Easy”, it will now be referred to as “The Big Greasy”.

    The Gulf of Mexico is also getting renamed. It will now be known as “The Gulf of Texico.”

    BP is publishing a Cajun Style cookbook to help pay for the cost of cleanup. It features an exciting new spin on that New Orleans favorite, Blackened Redfish.

  3. imshandon says:

    It is amazing that Hollywood can move mountains for relief to disasters in other countries…Climate change parties in South America..But the best they can do for us here in Louisiana is more jokes.Gee, so damn funny.

  4. Yoram Bauman says:

    My (sad but true) economics joke is that the antitrust division of the U.S. Department of Justice appears to be unable to stop the merger of British Petroleum and the Louisiana coastline…

  5. dhogaza says:

    Whatever else one might say, you have to admit that the Louisiana coast is booming …

  6. Rabid Doomsayer says:

    imshandon,

    Humour often gets through to peoples brains far more effectively that any amount of serious discussion. It keeps the issue in debate in quarters that otherwise would only be discussing the football.

    Furthermore if you do not laugh, then you could only cry. Maybe it is akin to galows humour, but we need all the laughs we can get.

  7. imshandon says:

    @Rabid… So true but we forget that the real joke is the response to this mess just as it was during Katrina….It’s just not funny anymore.I have watch many of my friends almost loose everything a few years back.This looks to take what ever was left….I am sorry I just can find the humor this time around ;-)

  8. Jake says:

    This joke was originally told by Bill Maher on HBO’s Real Time:

    George W. Bush called Obama about the BP oil spill: “You’re doing a heck of a job, Brownie.”

  9. Anne says:

    Hmmmm… these jokes seem so…. familiar…. glad you decided to post.

    Here’s another one, more off-color than the others, a little bit “dirty”– obviously for day 54:

    “What do BP executives and my wife have in common? Neither has done any real pipe work in 54 days.”

    (groans permitted)

  10. PurpleOzone says:

    This one’s an oldie:

    Where do bees go to the bathroom?

    To the BP station!

    (groans permitted)

  11. Felix Kramer says:

    Much as I wish I could contribut a joke, all I have to offer are two VERY thoughtful and moving articles.

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1171518/index.htm
    7 Days In The Life Of A Catastrophe — this is by Guy Smith, the widely heralded long-form essayist for Sports Illustrated. He’s particularly eloquent about what causes those who are most harmed by the catstrophe to insist on more drilling. (If you want to know more about him, see http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/books/16smit.html .)

    http://www.thenation.com/article/36608/hole-world?page=full
    A Hole in the World by Naomi Klein. (http://www.thenation.com/authors/naomi-klein for her bio.) She puts the crisis in the context of the attitude that humans can control nature.

    — Felix Kramer, Founder, The California Cars Initiative

  12. Sometimes we have to laugh a bit (even with gallows humor) to keep from weeping uncontrollably.

    “Today, President Obama finally met with BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.” —Jimmy Fallon

    “I started playing the new Facebook game, Oilville, but now I can’t make it stop.” — Andy Borowitz

    “Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.” — David Letterman

  13. Windsong says:

    I loved this! At least it shows people are “getting it”.