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Leaked Documents Reveal Flatland Institute Plan To Brainwash Toddlers With ‘Baby Inhofe’ Videos. UPDATE: My Mea Culpa

By Joe Romm on April 1, 2012 at 9:00 am

"Leaked Documents Reveal Flatland Institute Plan To Brainwash Toddlers With ‘Baby Inhofe’ Videos. UPDATE: My Mea Culpa"

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Inhofe family igloo, which they claim is "Al Gore's Home." Leaked emails prove otherwise.

Internal documents acquired by Climate Progress reveal that the Flatland Institute is planning to indoctrinate infants with a “Baby Inhofe” series of DVDs and videos. Flatland is a right-wing, anti-science think tank funded by the Koch brothers, the Resources Development Administration, and other corporate pollutocrats.

These shocking videos, which have also been acquired  by Climate Progress, use famous children’s songs to spread disinformation to those who are most at risk from coal pollution. Here’s one grotesque example:

Frosty the coal man is a jolly happy soul
There must be magic in clean coal technology
For when they looked for pollutants
There was nearly none to see.

I played the entire DVD for my daughter and I swear she turned on every light in the house and started babbling about cosmic rays and the medieval warm period.

UPDATE: I originally reported that the website DeSmogBlog explained, “An anonymous donor calling him (or her)self ‘Flatland Insider’ has released the Flatland Institute’s budget, fundraising plan, Baby Inhofe strategic distribution plan, emails from Inhofe proving neither Al Gore nor his family ever lived in an igloo … and sundry other documents that prove all of the worst allegations that have been levelled against the organization and Inhofe.”

I must now confess that I am that insider, and I acquired those documents through an incredibly elaborate deception. Allow me to explain.

Two weeks ago, I sent the following email to every staffer and board member at the Flatland Institute:

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: Dr. Volde Mort
Central Bank of Nigeria
Lagos, Nigeria
01-658-21-2658

Dear Sir or Madam:

I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The NNPC has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The NNPC is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world since Nigeria is pretty much tapped out and covered with oil from spills and general negligence on our part; however, because of certain socialistic regulations of the Nigerian Government, developed I think by Barack Obama in his youth, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

Your assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen who believes in drill, baby, drill to assist the NNPC, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to you or your excellent non profit in a U.S. account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the NNPC. In exchange for your accommodating services, the NNPC would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount. Plus free gasoline for life and a 10%-off coupon for inhalers.

However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria.

I also need every single confidential document and email relating to the operation of your wise non-profit to confirm that you are funded by U.S. oil companies and generally destructive of the environment as we are.

If it will be possible for you to assist us at your earliest convenience, we would be most grateful; very quickly the liberal Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it, just like big government bureaucrats always do.

Thank you for your help.

P.S. This is not a scam.

I am sorry to admit publicly that there is no Dr. Volde Mort of the Central Bank of Nigeria. That was me. I have pledged to return the $2.3 million I collected from 23 Flatland employees. I feel particularly bad about the 2 marriage proposals I received.

Let me explain that my motivation for this deception was that global warming is the gravest threat humanity faces. It is one of those things that cause our children great suffering even though they are not to blame. Kind of like American Idol or Adam Sandler movies, but I do think global warming is more serious. That I suppose is no excuse for crossing the line, and again, I apologize.

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17 Responses to Leaked Documents Reveal Flatland Institute Plan To Brainwash Toddlers With ‘Baby Inhofe’ Videos. UPDATE: My Mea Culpa

  1. catman306 says:

    April 1, 2012?

  2. wili says:

    A happy 4/1 to all–

    To paraphrase the bard (and to quote Etta James): “What fools we mortals be!”

  3. squidboy6 says:

    you gotta be kidding? there’s a conspiracy to cover up the effect of carbon dioxide and climate change??!! and they use stupid people as shills?

    why would anybody do such a thing?

  4. Lisa Boucher says:

    Not to be confused with the children’s songs by Tom Glazer:

    What Does the Glass of a Greenhouse Do?

  5. prokaryotes says:

    Fact or Fiction?

    Former CEO Hayward gets $1M bonus from BP
    http://bit.ly/HKsLoi

  6. Gregory Purcell says:

    Don’t you all know April fools day has been moved to the 2nd because it’s a leap year.

  7. Christopher S. Johnson says:

    Like

  8. Wednesday's Smile says:

    I teach critical thinking skills at the college level, and there are several fake websites out there funded by oil companies, big tobacco, Koch Bros,& others concerning climate change & changing public opinion. Follow the money. The media wants to control your thinking on issues. The reason is an agenda based on protecting their interests & investments. Similar to what happened with Big Tobacco- see old movie, The Insider.

  9. Tom King says:

    Well done. “I must now confess” that it wasn’t until paragraph 6 that I realized I had found my way in that rare annual reality distortion event.

    Fortunately, April Fools only happens once a year for Climate Defenders, but happens every day for Climate Deniers.

  10. Snapple says:

    Season’s Greetings!

    There is an alligator farm in Michigan because of climate change…
    http://www.freep.com/article/20120401/SPORTS10/204010530/Eric-Sharp-Michigan-surrenders-to-global-warming

  11. Let me point out that “my mea culpa” is redundant. This is clearly a mistake.

    Look! Look looky here! Joe Romm made a mistake! Joe Romm made a mistake! This is intolerable!

    Therefore he’s wrong wrong wrong, and unfit to serve in any position except as an illustration of what it means to be “wrong”!

    Meanwhile, the “mistakes” you see being made by Our Majesty the Emperor are, in fact, not mistakes, but are merely part of Our Majesty’s Great Ingenious Plan.

    Also, hacker Sabu may have exposed HBGary Federal’s attempts at black ops campaigns. but do you know that Sabu also steals stuff? And that is … a mistake! A mistake! Therefore Sabu is wrong wrong wrong, and the black ops don’t exist, and there is no social injustice!

    The above announcement was brought to you by the Society for Zero Tolerance of Mistakes.

    – frank

  12. If you believe this story is true, please contact me. I know a highly placed Nigerian official who wants you help getting money out of his country.

  13. Colorado Bob says:

    Joe -
    I just looked at the numbers for my location (Lubbock, Texas) , we were 6.4 F degrees above normal for March, the bad news …….

    It was 93F on the 31st, and 91F today .