"Leaked Documents Reveal Flatland Institute Plan To Brainwash Toddlers With ‘Baby Inhofe’ Videos. UPDATE: My Mea Culpa"
Internal documents acquired by Climate Progress reveal that the Flatland Institute is planning to indoctrinate infants with a “Baby Inhofe” series of DVDs and videos. Flatland is a right-wing, anti-science think tank funded by the Koch brothers, the Resources Development Administration, and other corporate pollutocrats.
These shocking videos, which have also been acquired by Climate Progress, use famous children’s songs to spread disinformation to those who are most at risk from coal pollution. Here’s one grotesque example:
Frosty the coal man is a jolly happy soul…
There must be magic in clean coal technology
For when they looked for pollutants
There was nearly none to see.
I played the entire DVD for my daughter and I swear she turned on every light in the house and started babbling about cosmic rays and the medieval warm period.
UPDATE: I originally reported that the website DeSmogBlog explained, “An anonymous donor calling him (or her)self ‘Flatland Insider’ has released the Flatland Institute’s budget, fundraising plan, Baby Inhofe strategic distribution plan, emails from Inhofe proving neither Al Gore nor his family ever lived in an igloo … and sundry other documents that prove all of the worst allegations that have been levelled against the organization and Inhofe.”
I must now confess that I am that insider, and I acquired those documents through an incredibly elaborate deception. Allow me to explain.
Two weeks ago, I sent the following email to every staffer and board member at the Flatland Institute:
FROM: Dr. Volde Mort
Central Bank of Nigeria
Dear Sir or Madam:
I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The NNPC has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The NNPC is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world since Nigeria is pretty much tapped out and covered with oil from spills and general negligence on our part; however, because of certain socialistic regulations of the Nigerian Government, developed I think by Barack Obama in his youth, it is unable to move these funds to another region.
Your assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen who believes in drill, baby, drill to assist the NNPC, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to you or your excellent non profit in a U.S. account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the NNPC. In exchange for your accommodating services, the NNPC would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount. Plus free gasoline for life and a 10%-off coupon for inhalers.
However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria.
I also need every single confidential document and email relating to the operation of your wise non-profit to confirm that you are funded by U.S. oil companies and generally destructive of the environment as we are.
If it will be possible for you to assist us at your earliest convenience, we would be most grateful; very quickly the liberal Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it, just like big government bureaucrats always do.
Thank you for your help.
P.S. This is not a scam.
I am sorry to admit publicly that there is no Dr. Volde Mort of the Central Bank of Nigeria. That was me. I have pledged to return the $2.3 million I collected from 23 Flatland employees. I feel particularly bad about the 2 marriage proposals I received.
Let me explain that my motivation for this deception was that global warming is the gravest threat humanity faces. It is one of those things that cause our children great suffering even though they are not to blame. Kind of like American Idol or Adam Sandler movies, but I do think global warming is more serious. That I suppose is no excuse for crossing the line, and again, I apologize.