On this Wednesday, National Coming Out Day, the Human Rights Campaign released the results of a survey of 10,000 LGBT youth aged 13-17. The study found that while almost all (91 percent) of LGBT teens are out to their close friends, fewer are out in school (61 percent) and to their families (56 percent). Respondents who were out at school and to their families reported higher levels of happiness than those who didn’t:

Those who are out to immediate family are more likely to report being happy (very/pretty happy) than those who are not out—41% of those out to immediate family report being happy; 33% of those not out to immediate family report being happy. Those who are out at school are more likely to report being happy (very/pretty happy) than those who are not—40% of those out at school report being happy; 33% of those not out at school report being happy.

Those who are not out to immediate family are more likely to report being unhappy (pretty/very unhappy) than those who are out—21% of those who are not out to immediate family report being unhappy; 16% of those who are out to immediate family report being unhappy. Those who are not out at school are more likely to report being unhappy (pretty/very unhappy) than those who are out —21% of those who are not out at school report being unhappy; 16% of those who are out at school report being unhappy.

The family happiness numbers appear to be related to the fact that being out to close family members helps LGBT youth feel comfortable with their home lives. The survey found that “youth who are out to their immediate family are twice as likely as youth who are not out to say they have an adult in their family they could talk to if they were sad.”

Though coming out at school is on balance good for LGBT youth’s psychological well-being, according to the report, it’s not without risks. Sixty percent “of youth who are out at school have experienced [verbal] harassment; 46% of youth who are not out at school have experienced such harassment.” This finding explains why 40 percent of teens reported staying in the closet because they were afraid of “being treated differently or judged” or bullying.

Anti-gay groups have pushed bullying and eduction guidelines that promote a climate of hostility and ignorance among students towards their LGBT peers. Another HRC study examining the same data as the above study found strong evidence that bullying and discrimination explained their relatively high levels of unhappiness.

Following up on their model policy to ensure ongoing bullying of LGBT students, Focus on the Family and Alliance Defending Freedom have released new model legislation about “parents’ rights.” Much of the access they seek for parents greatly endangers children and deprives them the opportunity to learn about their own identities and the world around them. Here is the risky access these anti-gay groups seek for parents:

• The right to be notified if courses teach sex education, family planning, homosexual themes, diversity issues, and extreme violence. This is broad, vague language that could scare teachers and administrators from even allowing certain topics to be discussed in class, not unlike the stifling “Don’t Say Gay” legislation proposed in various states or the failed “neutrality” policy once employed in Minnesota’s Anoka-Hennepin School District.
• The right to opt the child out of any course or activity the parent finds “morally or religiously offensive.” This is similarly broad access that could deprive children of learning important information about their own bodies, their own identities, their own families, the political issues impacting the world they live in, and quite possibly the basic tenets of biology, if evolution is also covered.
• The right to opt the child in to any course or school activity that includes information about contraceptive services. “Opt in” means that the child cannot be enrolled without permission. Even though abstinence-only education is demonstrably ineffective, such a policy would allow parents to prevent public education that benefits the health of society.
• The right to review all curricula and teaching materials. Such a policy would undermine the credentials and expertise that qualifies teachers to teach and allow parents to pick and choose what their kids can learn.
• The right to access the child’s record, including grades and counseling records. This provision could be particularly detrimental to young people who are struggling with coming out and are  not yet out to their parents. Studies have found that 40 percent of homeless youth are LGBT, primarily because of family rejection.
• The right to remove the child from school on days of religious observance. This policy is already in place.
• The right to be informed of all disciplinary proceedings. As with the counseling records, this policy could similarly out young people to their parents without their consent, particularly if simply being a victim of anti-gay bullying warrants a disciplinary record. Administrators should have a certain amount of discretion in how to proceed in each situation to act in students’ best interests.
• The right to opt the child out of any extracurricular activity in which the parent does not want the child to participate. This is yet another attempt to violate young people’s privacy, should they be participating in a gay-straight alliance or similar group but have not yet come out to their parents.

Once again, Focus and ADF have proven that their top priority has nothing to do with protecting children, but actually ensuring that LGBT young people remain as vulnerable and misinformed as possible.

Lana Wachowski of The Matrix and V for Vendetta filmmaking team came out as transgender many years ago, but has largely been private about her transition. She made one of her first public appearances earlier this summer to help promote the Wachowskis’ exciting new film, Cloud Atlas, due out this fall. Now, she and her brother Andy have opened up about their past for The New Yorker, including details about Lana’s transition.

In the profile, Lana describes feeling like she belonged with the girls in Catholic school, and often experienced bullying because of her lack of gender conformity. But, she found “tremendous solace in books, vastly preferring imagined worlds to this world.” In the early 2000′s, Lana experienced great depression and decided with her therapist it was time to transition, and she came out to her parents. Her mother, Lynne Wachowski, was worried that she was going to lose her son to depression, but instead discovered, “there is more of you.” Lana describes getting over the hurdle of embracing the change:

WACHOWSKI: I chose to change my exteriority to bring it closer into alignment with my interiority. My biggest fears were all about losing my family. Once they accepted me, everything else has been a piece of cake. I know that many people are dying to know if I have a surgically constructed vagina or not, but I prefer to keep this information between my wife and me.

Lana Wachowski’s story will surely inspire many young people, and it also emphasizes the importance of family acceptance. Studies have shown that trans youth who are not supported by their families and who do not have the opportunity to receive affirming therapy face a higher risk for mental health problems. She does not owe anybody the details of her identity, but by talking openly about how she was able to right her life and find happiness, she makes it easier for others to envision the same outcome.

(Click to see full-size.)

This week, a letter has gone viral that a father sent to his son, disowning him because he is gay. Here is its full text:

James,

This is a difficult but necessary letter to write.

I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle.

I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.

Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

You’ve made your choice though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.

If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand.

Have a good birthday and good life.

No present exchanges will be accepted.

Goodbye,

Dad

The letter was sent five years ago. James, who usually goes by Jamie, had this to offer upon sharing the letter this week:

It’s important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fischer, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I’ve never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn’t drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another.

5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: Fuck you, Dad.

Some might be quick to dismiss this letter as a hoax, but I can assure readers it’s not. In fact, I’m going to break the editorial fourth wall for this post to disclose that I actually know Jamie personally. We were friends in college — in the same degree program, in fact — and I can assure the world that he is very real, and one of the kindest, sweetest, and gentlest people I’ve ever known. Though I haven’t seen him since our last overlapping year of college, I remain connected to him through social media, and vicariously through his partner, fellow blogger Viktor Kerney, who posted about the letter at The Bilerico Project.

I, like many fellow LGBT bloggers and activists, argue daily here at ThinkProgress that the anti-gay rhetoric spewed by conservatives and the actions taken against the LGBT community have serious consequences. Time and attention has been dedicated to the Chick-fil-A controversy, for example, because Dan Cathy’s open condemnation of gay people and his company’s donations to hate groups and ex-gay ministries aren’t just offensive — they harm people. Study after study has shown the impact of family rejection on homelessness, the impact of bullying on depression and suicide, and the impact of societal stigma on the health and economic well-being of LGBT people. Here before you is an example of that harm in its simplest form: a father prioritizing his disdain for homosexuality over his ability to love his own son, his own flesh and blood.

Almost every group opposed to LGBT equality identifies somehow with defending the “family,” either in name or in messaging. But it is the anti-gay rhetoric they profess on behalf of families that actually destroys them. It’s up to those who so proudly turned out for fried chicken last week to defend and justify encouraging such rejection.

A man in Oklahoma City was nearly killed when his car blew up in front of him last night in what appears to be a hate crime. According to Jon Ferguson, he was woken up in the middle of the night by his car alarm, and when he went outside it was being vandalized by several people. Upon approaching them, the vandals threw something into the car, making it explode. Ferguson was rushed to the hospital with first and second degree burns.

The remains of the car suggest that the attack was a hate crime — the vandals spray-painted the homophobic slur “fag” on the hood. Ferguson, who is openly gay, spoke about how the threat of violence has made him doubt whether coming out was a good idea:

FERGUSON:It’s almost not worth being proud of who you are and trying to show you’re gay because stuff like this really does happen. I’ve always seen it on the news that kids are dying and stuff because they’re being bullied, and you’re 25 years old and something like this happens to you. It’s almost not worth it, and you understand why kids don’t come out of the closet.

The case is currently being investigated as an act of arson, not a hate crime. News 9 reported that the Oklahoma City Fire and Police Department will continue investigations if they think a hate crime was committed.

– Nina Liss-Schultz

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has a colorful reputation that gets him into hot water with the media, so the stakes were high at last Wednesday’s ESPY awards when he took a moment to answer some questions from OutSports. But rather than create a new controversy with an insensitive remark, he joined the many professional athletes who would welcome a gay teammate into the lockerroom:

OUTSPORTS: How would you feel if one of your teammates on the Patriots came out of the closet this season?

GRONKOWSKI: If that’s how they are, that’s how they are. I mean, we’re teammates so, as long as he’s being a good teammate and being respectful and everything, that’s cool.

Gronkowski couldn’t recall ever playing with a gay teammate — certainly no professional football players have ever come out until after they retire from play — but his comments will help create a more inclusive environment for future players to come out. As openly gay former player Wade Davis remarked, “Just the fact that Gronkowski was willing to be interviewed by you for a gay Web site, it’s powerful to somebody.” For many young people, athletes like Gronkowski with a prominent public profile serve as role models for success and achievement. Hopefully someday soon a gay player can serve in the same capacity.