Seriously, what oil company has made more flagrant errors than BP?

I don’t know what PR genius came up with this idea, but here is the oil giant, oblivious to the irony, announcing on their website:

Directed by Amir Nizar Zuabi, The Comedy of Errors, supported by BP as the Founding Presenting Partner of the World Shakespeare Festival, plays in the Roundhouse in Camden, as part of the What Country Friends Is This? trilogy.

This epic trilogy of Shakespeare’s shipwreck plays, exploring love, loss and reunion, is performed by one company of actors.

Yes, the Comedy of Errors is a “shipwreck” play. Well, the BP disaster certainly looked like a shipwreck — but did a lot more damage:

And let’s not forget the irony that “BP had central role in the Exxon Valdez disaster,” a true shipwreck.

Of course, according to Big Oil and drilling advocates in Congress, BP should be sponsoring Much Ado About Nothing instead (see “Five Reasons We Can’t Forget About The BP Oil Disaster“).

He’s said that at times in his life he’s worried about getting a pink slip and, more recently, that ”I’m also unemployed.”

On Friday, he personally guaranteed that the Keystone XL tar sands pipeline would be built if he’s elected president:

“I will build that pipeline if I have to do it myself,” Romney said during a speech before state Republican Party leaders gathered at a retreat in Arizona.

I suppose now that he’s put the plans for his La Jolla car elevator on hold, he needs some project to keep him busy. But who knew he was a steel-drivin’ man?

Then I checked and sure enough, Bruce Springsteen had written a song about Romney. Here’s one of the verses:

Mitt Romney told his captain
“Lord a man ain’t nothin’ but a man
But before I let that steam drill beat me down
I’m gonna die with a hammer in my hand, Lord, Lord
I’ll die with a hammer in my hand.”

Still, if the pipeline to Canada’s climate-destroying tar sands must be built so we can export more refined product overseas, shouldn’t the few thousand jobs go to people without a quarter billion dollars?

“The Navy SEALs shot Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan and Lisa Jackson shot us in Washington … the coal industry is not far behind with respect to what happened with Osama Bin Laden,” said UMWA’s Cecil Roberts.

It’s hard to think of a worse analogy for your industry. Leave it to faux-pundit Stephen Colbert to run with this one, coming up with an even better comparison for coal:

“Well done, sir. Osama Bin Laden was definitely the sympathetic figure in that story. And who can forget how upset the American people were when the American government took Bin Laden out. If you’re comparing the coal industry to homicidal maniacs, I would have gone with Sadaam Hussein. The guy knew a lot about fossil fuels and he spent some time in an underground shaft.”

Watch the whole segment:

As the press continues to pick up on the story, Romney needs to find a way to change the conversation. How’s he going to do it? No, not with an Etch A Sketch. As the Onion New Service reports, he’s built a time machine to go back and snuff out previous versions of himself.

With Romney once taking a completely different stance on almost every issue he stands for today, is this the only way he can wipe the slate clean?

Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself

Inhofe family igloo, which they claim is "Al Gore's Home." Leaked emails prove otherwise.

Internal documents acquired by Climate Progress reveal that the Flatland Institute is planning to indoctrinate infants with a “Baby Inhofe” series of DVDs and videos. Flatland is a right-wing, anti-science think tank funded by the Koch brothers, the Resources Development Administration, and other corporate pollutocrats.

These shocking videos, which have also been acquired  by Climate Progress, use famous children’s songs to spread disinformation to those who are most at risk from coal pollution. Here’s one grotesque example:

Frosty the coal man is a jolly happy soul…
There must be magic in clean coal technology
For when they looked for pollutants
There was nearly none to see.

I played the entire DVD for my daughter and I swear she turned on every light in the house and started babbling about cosmic rays and the medieval warm period.

UPDATE: I originally reported that the website DeSmogBlog explained, “An anonymous donor calling him (or her)self ‘Flatland Insider’ has released the Flatland Institute’s budget, fundraising plan, Baby Inhofe strategic distribution plan, emails from Inhofe proving neither Al Gore nor his family ever lived in an igloo … and sundry other documents that prove all of the worst allegations that have been levelled against the organization and Inhofe.”

I must now confess that I am that insider, and I acquired those documents through an incredibly elaborate deception. Allow me to explain.

Two weeks ago, I sent the following email to every staffer and board member at the Flatland Institute:

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: Dr. Volde Mort
Central Bank of Nigeria
Lagos, Nigeria
01-658-21-2658

Dear Sir or Madam:

I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The NNPC has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The NNPC is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world since Nigeria is pretty much tapped out and covered with oil from spills and general negligence on our part; however, because of certain socialistic regulations of the Nigerian Government, developed I think by Barack Obama in his youth, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

Your assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen who believes in drill, baby, drill to assist the NNPC, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to you or your excellent non profit in a U.S. account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the NNPC. In exchange for your accommodating services, the NNPC would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount. Plus free gasoline for life and a 10%-off coupon for inhalers.

However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria.

I also need every single confidential document and email relating to the operation of your wise non-profit to confirm that you are funded by U.S. oil companies and generally destructive of the environment as we are.

If it will be possible for you to assist us at your earliest convenience, we would be most grateful; very quickly the liberal Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it, just like big government bureaucrats always do.

Thank you for your help.

P.S. This is not a scam.

I am sorry to admit publicly that there is no Dr. Volde Mort of the Central Bank of Nigeria. That was me. I have pledged to return the $2.3 million I collected from 23 Flatland employees. I feel particularly bad about the 2 marriage proposals I received.

Let me explain that my motivation for this deception was that global warming is the gravest threat humanity faces. It is one of those things that cause our children great suffering even though they are not to blame. Kind of like American Idol or Adam Sandler movies, but I do think global warming is more serious. That I suppose is no excuse for crossing the line, and again, I apologize.

Memo to: Fellow Members of Congress

From: Darrell Issa, Republican of California

Re: Support for legislation to abolish an antiquated law.

I urge you to join us in sponsoring the Hall-Latta-Flake-Issa-Upton-Noem-Goodlatte Act.

For too long, science has been trotted out to justify environmental protection, when it is actually being used to mask tax-and-spend policies that sink our economy. With that in mind, I ask you to support the next logical step in our Republican Caucus’ crusade to abolish job-killing “environmental” laws and excessive regulations. Please join us in cosponsoring H.R. 32174, a bill to repeal the Law of Gravity.

Congress never passed this law. No president signed it. No court reviewed it. Not even Al Gore voted for it. As Sen. James Inhofe has said of putative “global warming,” so-called gravity is “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.”

Congress never intended that whatever goes up must come down — with the exception of taxes.

H.R. 32174, also known as the “Newt, not Newton Act,” simply restores scientific understanding to where it was before 1687. Our bill would give this Congress the opportunity to consider economic impact when setting gravitational levels, and roll back a law that, as Gov. Rick Perry said of evolution, is really just a theory.

Even President Obama observed in his inaugural address that we need to “restore science to its rightful place.” So, after government scientists officially declared that global warming is harmful, we voted to repeal their finding. To restore a proper balance between Americans’ health and healthy profits, we voted to undo key administration proposals issued under the Clean Air Act.

Now, my House Oversight and Government Reform Committee will conduct hearings, with scientist witnesses representing both sides of the “gravity” issue, just as we did on supposed “global warming.” “Gravity” skeptics will testify under oath that “gravity” is a fraud.

“Gravity” alarmists covered up internal emails that demonstrated their own questions about “gravitational pull,” which the emails acknowledge has remained unchanged for 324 years. So, we will hold a hearing next week, “Gravitygate: How Do You Like Them Apples?”

It is well known that “No Newton is good Newton.” Yet self-styled “scientists” perpetuate the myth of alleged “gravitational pull” to obtain government grants. If we spent less time bringing things down to earth and more time abolishing regulations, we’d all be better off.

Think of what we can save by repealing this law: There will be less bruising of fruit, which formerly fell from trees. This will increase agricultural productivity. Coal, oil and gas will drift to the surface. This will slash mining and drilling costs.

Most important, we will save money at the pump while cuffing the heavy hand of government — and keeping oil industry profits safe. Without “gravity,” our cars will float through the sky, making highways obsolete. With no highways there will be no highway trust fund — so, no need for gasoline taxes to support it. Thus, by ending the “gravity mandate,” we will bring down the price of gas. QED.

The only thing the so-called “law of gravity” hasn’t held down is the federal deficit. That’s why it shouldn’t even be called “gravity” — it’s Obamity.

The Hall, Latta, Flake, Issa, Upton, Noem, Goodlatte (Read it aloud; we’re not making these names up) bill will conquer the false notion of “gravity.” We shall strike a blow for business over bureaucrats, for the free market over nature and for God over science — knowing that if God wanted there to be “gravity,” He would have put it in the Bible.

P.S.: With so-called “global warming” now discredited, there is no need to worry about rising sea levels. Please watch for our amendment removing funding for levees, in Rep. King’s Congressional Authority to Neutralize Unfunded Tidal Excess, or the King CANUTE Act.

Dan Becker directs the Safe Climate Campaign, which advocates strong measures against global warming and believes in gravity. James Gerstenzang, who formerly covered the White House and the environment for the Los Angeles Times, is the campaign’s editorial director. This piece was originally published at the Huffington Post.

Stephanie McMillan has kindly given me permission to reprint her cartoons. So I said I’d post the link to Paypal where you can donate to her if you like her cartoons.  CLICK HERE (then click where it says donate).

George W. Bush says Keystone Pipeline is a “No-Brainer”

TransCanada Corp.’s Keystone XL pipeline, which would carry oil from landlocked Alberta to the U.S. Gulf Coast, is a “no-brainer” that would create jobs and bolster the economy, former President George W. Bush said on Tuesday.

Let’s see. The Bush administration ruined the economy and destroyed jobs. He himself is a former oil-man who said “we are addicted to oil.”

Oh, he also said this:

Why is anybody still listening to this guy now that we don’t have to?

One party has moved far to the extreme while the other has moved to the center, “forcing” the media to become center-right just to maintain its he-said/she-said “objectivity.” It was a brilliant plan by the Koch-fueled Tea Party.

The result: Even super-centrist ideas like “explaining climate science” and “pricing externalities” are now routinely attacked by some in the media as leftist, out-of-the-mainstream ideas. We are through the Looking Glass.

So where will the organization find the ideal candidate to continue its mission of trying to polish coal’s image? Why, Craigslist of course!

It appears someone beat them to the punch. I had to chuckle when I saw this fake ad from someone at the Sierra Club posted yesterday:

Job Title: President, American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity

Job Description:

Are you a motivated go-getter who hates to let facts stand in the way of profits? Are you good at making something out of nothing? Do you sleep soundly at night, no matter what you’ve done? Do you reject the global anti-capitalist “science” conspiracy? Are you comfortable around unicorns, centaurs, and other so-called “mythical” creatures? Do you have experience in the tobacco industry?

If you answered yes to those questions, we want to hear from you. The American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity is seeking a new President of our trade association to continue our work promoting a product that doesn’t actually exist: clean coal electricity. The ideal candidate would be able to alter the long-standing ironclad laws of chemistry to create clean coal (through magic or otherwise), but we’ll settle for someone that can say it exists with a straight face.

Key Responsibilities:

• Pretending Clean Coal exists during meetings with the media, government officials, and citizens
• Denying climate change over and over again.
• Really, really hating clean air and really, really loving making a few of your friends a lot of money
• Wining and dining politicians
• Spending lots of money lobbying politicians
• Accurately filling out expense sheets and legal documents outlining our activities, expenditures and…ha, just kidding – we don’t have to do that. Thanks, Supreme Court!

Preferred Candidate Would Have the Following Attributes:

• Willful or Natural Ignorance of Reality
• Experience in various East European propaganda ministries, the Tobacco Industry, or sales of miracle cures and/or snake oil
• Basically, we need you to be friends with a lot of politicians
• Doesn’t hurt if you are rich
• Ability to sleep soundly after helping poison air and water nationwide and undermining our Democracy

Benefits:

Compensation: A lot. Look, let’s just say you’ll be in that 1% those hippies are always talking about and Mitt Romney will not be uncomfortable around you.

• Bonuses allocated as electricity rates go up.
• Full health, dental, and vision.
• Access to future beach front property in Nebraska
• Special discounted inhaler program for ACCCE employees and their families

• • Compensation: See Above
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2877809426

Stephanie has kindly given me permission to reprint her cartoons. She notes that “cartoonists are struggling and economically collapsing along with the newspapers that used to be our living.”

So I said I’d post the link to Paypal where you can donate to her if you like her cartoons.  CLICK HERE (then click where it says donate).

If we can crowd-source her some support, perhaps she’ll even write a special cartoon just for Climate Progress readers.

She writes, “Code Green is the only weekly editorial cartoon focusing exclusively on the environmental emergency.” Here is some of her work on recent events:

and

and

If you’d like to support her cartoons, CLICK HERE and click on DONATE.

The full week of Doonesbury myFACTS starts here.

Ecotricity calls itself the “world’s first green electricity company” devoted exclusively to procuring and selling renewable electrons. The company is also developing projects to support biogas and displace the use of natural gas.

I love the ad. But I’m a bit confused as to how this will make people want to move away from coal and nuclear?  I have to say, those tea-drinking cooling towers are kind of cute….

Related Humor:

• Great Doonesbury Global Warming Cartoon
• Toles: “The denier’s defense against global warming”

To inspire you, this classic Toles cartoon:

“Newt Gingrich did that global warming ad with Nancy Pelosi, realized that the Earth is very sick, and now he wants to leave it for a younger planet.”

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Related Post:

• Sorry, Buzz Aldrin, we’re not sending people to Mars by 2029 to “homestead” or study “climate change”

I propose the following drinking game:

1. The first time the President uses the phrase “climate change” or “global warming,” down the drink of your choice.
2. The second time, empty out the liquor cabinet.
3. The third time, it’s a weekend in Las Vegas with Charlie Sheen or Chelsea Handler.

OK, perhaps this is best called a sobriety game, if this is anything like his last State of the Union Address (see Obama calls for massive boost in low-carbon energy, but doesn’t mention carbon, climate or warming).

Given that Obama is apparently going to push domestic hydrocarbon production but not a price on carbon, I’m adding this:

1. Every time Obama talks up domestic oil production, drink one cup of coffee.
2. Every time Obama talks up domestic natural gas production, drink one cup of non-herbal tea.

And remember, if you don’t get any sleep tonight, it’s not my fault!

UPDATE:  The energy parts of speech posted below

But with only 2 percent of the world’s oil reserves, oil isn’t enough.  This country needs an all-out, all-of-the-above strategy that develops every available source of American energy – a strategy that’s cleaner, cheaper, and full of new jobs.

We have a supply of natural gas that can last America nearly one hundred years, and my Administration will take every possible action to safely develop this energy.  Experts believe this will support more than 600,000 jobs by the end of the decade.  And I’m requiring all companies that drill for gas on public lands to disclose the chemicals they use.  America will develop this resource without putting the health and safety of our citizens at risk.

The development of natural gas will create jobs and power trucks and factories that are cleaner and cheaper, proving that we don’t have to choose between our environment and our economy.  And by the way, it was public research dollars, over the course of thirty years, that helped develop the technologies to extract all this natural gas out of shale rock – reminding us that Government support is critical in helping businesses get new energy ideas off the ground.

What’s true for natural gas is true for clean energy.  In three years, our partnership with the private sector has already positioned America to be the world’s leading manufacturer of high-tech batteries.  Because of federal investments, renewable energy use has nearly doubled.  And thousands of Americans have jobs because of it.

When Bryan Ritterby was laid off from his job making furniture, he said he worried that at 55, no one would give him a second chance.  But he found work at Energetx, a wind turbine manufacturer in Michigan.  Before the recession, the factory only made luxury yachts.  Today, it’s hiring workers like Bryan, who said, “I’m proud to be working in the industry of the future.”

Our experience with shale gas shows us that the payoffs on these public investments don’t always come right away.  Some technologies don’t pan out; some companies fail.  But I will not walk away from the promise of clean energy.  I will not walk away from workers like Bryan.  I will not cede the wind or solar or battery industry to China or Germany because we refuse to make the same commitment here.  We have subsidized oil companies for a century.  That’s long enough.  It’s time to end the taxpayer giveaways to an industry that’s rarely been more profitable, and double-down on a clean energy industry that’s never been more promising.   Pass clean energy tax credits and create these jobs.

We can also spur energy innovation with new incentives.  The differences in this chamber may be too deep right now to pass a comprehensive plan to fight climate change. But there’s no reason why Congress shouldn’t at least set a clean energy standard that creates a market for innovation.  So far, you haven’t acted.  Well tonight, I will.  I’m directing my Administration to allow the development of clean energy on enough public land to power three million homes.  And I’m proud to announce that the Department of Defense, the world’s largest consumer of energy, will make one of the largest commitments to clean energy in history – with the Navy purchasing enough capacity to power a quarter of a million homes a year.

Of course, the easiest way to save money is to waste less energy.  So here’s another proposal:  Help manufacturers eliminate energy waste in their factories and give businesses incentives to upgrade their buildings.  Their energy bills will be $100 billion lower over the next decade, and America will have less pollution, more manufacturing, and more jobs for construction workers who need them.  Send me a bill that creates these jobs.

Building this new energy future should be just one part of a broader agenda to repair America’s infrastructure.  So much of America needs to be rebuilt.  We’ve got crumbling roads and bridges.  A power grid that wastes too much energy.  An incomplete high-speed broadband network that prevents a small business owner in rural America from selling her products all over the world.

During the Great Depression, America built the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge.  After World War II, we connected our States with a system of highways.  Democratic and Republican administrations invested in great projects that benefited everybody, from the workers who built them to the businesses that still use them today….

But I will not back down from making sure an oil company can contain the kind of oil spill we saw in the Gulf two years ago.  I will not back down from protecting our kids from mercury pollution, or making sure that our food is safe and our water is clean.

Related Post:

• Brulle: “By failing to even rhetorically address climate change, Obama is mortgaging our future and further delaying the necessary work to build a political consensus for real action.” Obama has mentioned ‘climate change’, ‘global warming’ or the ‘environment’ fewer times on average than his two predecessors, an article by the UK’s Guardian notes.

See also James Hansen slams Keystone XL Canada-U.S. Pipeline: “Exploitation of tar sands would make it implausible to stabilize climate and avoid disastrous global climate impacts”