Top Ten President Bush Global Warming Solutions

10. Instead of “Partly sunny,” have weatherman say “Partly cloudy”

9. Stop using Air Force One for Texas barbecue runs

8. Replace dangerous CO2 in the atmosphere with more eco-friendly CO1

7. Encourage people to walk more by distributing free Dr. Scholl massaging gel inserts. Are you gellin’?


6. Watch Al Gore movie one of these nights instead of “Dukes of Hazzard”

5. Bob Barker’s free. Get him workin’ on it

4. Send more troops to Iraq

3. I dunno, tax cuts for the rich?

2. Reduce hot air emissions by cancelling “The View”

1. Resign

Letterman did a similar list two years ago:

10. NASA mission to turn down the sun’s thermostat9. Federal subsidies to boost production of Cool Ranch Doritos8. Fast track Rumsfeld’s “Colonize Neptune” proposal7. Convene Blue-Ribbon Committee to explore innovative ways of ignoring the problem6. Let Hillary worry about it when she takes over5. I dunno — tax cuts for the rich?4. Give the boys at Halliburton 90-billion dollar contract to patch hole in ozone3. Switch to celsius so scorching 98 becomes frosty 372. Keep plenty of Bud on ice1. Invade Antartica