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Trump Opposes Marriage Equality Because Gays’ Putters Are Untraditionally Long

On the tails of being the brunt of many jokes at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Donald Trump offers a new collection of jocular political positions in a New York Times profile. Among them is a new explanation for his opposition to marriage equality for same-sex couples. Declaring himself a “traditionalist,” Trump compares same-sex marriage to long golf putters:

TRUMP: It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.

This is what he thinks makes for a “conservative with a big heart”? Generally, individuals who demonstrate that they have values — even billionaires — actually bother to consider the lives other people live. There are severe long-term consequences for same-sex couples deprived of the rights and protections of marriage equality, but Trump thinks a golf metaphor does justice to the issue despite the fact he took two mulligans on marriage himself.

Trump can only see things in the world as attractive or unattractive, and he has no time for anything he finds “very unattractive.” Just ask the many girls he objectifies and humiliates when they enter the Miss USA pageant. His taste is a minefield of sexism bunkers and LGBT sand traps that have little to do with improving other people’s lives. Trump’s campaign hasn’t even teed off yet, but he’s already shanking his approach.

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If anything, Trump should see long putters as an enticing investment opportunity, considering a majority of the population now supports marriage equality. But then again, who is really praising Trump for his business sense anyway?